Taxes: Done!

I skipped my Sunday Confessional yesterday to finish up my taxes after work.  It was an exhausting week, and I'm sure next week will be even more tiring, but my taxes are done!  That makes the year a little better.  The government will be sending me a check in 4-6 weeks.  Yay for tax season [being over]!

Message of the Day:  Just get them done.  You'll feel so much better.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Moving Cost

I'm moving out of my apartment in approximately 22 days...

Still recovering from an injury, I don't want to mess up my shoulder again by lifting heavy boxes.  But I need to move.  My parents already have to rearrange their space, and neither of them can really lift at the moment.  So, I figured that I would hire someone with a big truck to help me.  Well, I found out exactly how expensive that would be.  Once you add up the large furniture from a few "rooms," there is a lot that I need help with.

The cost?  It's pretty much another month's rent.  I'm trying to SAVE money by moving, not spend a ton of extra money.  Still, I was willing to pay the cost of moving to save some cash long term.  That is, until my friends heard about this plan.

I kid you not, within 48 hours of figuring out that I had to shell out some steep moving costs, three friends offered to help me out.  I responded with "I feel bad, because I can't really lift anything heavy," and my friend (we'll call her Elsy) said "That's what friends are for!"  So cliche, I know, but she is totally right!  If Elsy needed help or support, I would totally be there, so why feel bad asking her to help me out?  After that boost of confidence, I felt okay asking my strong young male friends for their help as well, and to my pleasant surprise, they jumped at the notion of helping me move.  I am so grateful to have such wonderful friends!

This is such a relief because I was dreading the whole moving process.  I moved about 5 times last year for a variety of reasons, only once or twice with heavy furniture, but I did most of them by myself.  It was exhausting.  Moving won't be so bad this time around, though.  I have a great group of friends who stepped up and offered to move my large furniture for me for the cost of some good food and cheerful company!  ...AND there are some other folks who are on board with a moving out party on short notice, so I actually get to celebrate this time!

Message of the Day:  Need help?  Ask a friend!

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Unity.

.... ....

Sometimes it takes the proper environment to have a really great meditation.  In the past few weeks, I've been staying true to my goal of creating better Habits, and I have been having better and better meditations.  I usually meditate by myself, but group meditations can be very powerful.  Sometimes having someone to guide you acts as an additional focusing tool, and it can produce some amazing results.  The best mediations I've had are either in front of a mirror (I'll post about this later), and at a yoga studio with an experienced yogini guiding a meditation "class."

Last week, I experienced the most beautiful mediation.  I'm not including a photo here because I'd like you to visualize what I did during my meditation without any preconceived images, like reading the book instead of watching the film.

My inner child has been suppressed lately, unable to play in the ways that I would like to.  Going perhaps deeper into that theme, my highest self has been out of touch.  We all strive to be our best selves, but sometimes we don't allow parts of ourselves that are aching to be heard out of the deepest corners of our minds because we aren't ready to deal with them, or we view them as bad and would rather forget about them.  Sometimes we actually do forget that versions of ourselves longing to be heard are calling out for us in our minds.  I'm a Gemini, so I joke with folks who know what that means that the twins in my brain are fighting at the moment whenever I'm having internal conflicts.  Really, though, we all have internal conflicts.  I give them [each of my internal battles] personas.  That is what they are, really.  When they are in harmony, my mind is at peace.  When life is troubling me, I often feel as though I am being pulled in different directions.

Imagine for a moment a playground.  School is out, but it is full of people of varying ages.  There is a younger girl visiting with her mom who is on the swings.  She is shy, and scared to play for fear of being hurt because all the older kids are much bigger.  One child is crying over something trivial; she is older, so you know that she is probably having a rough day and something just set her off.  A pair of mothers are walking around the track, keeping a distant watch over their children while they get in some social time and a healthy workout.  A few teenage girls are sitting in a circle passing cell phones and doing the social media thing, laughing and having a good time.  They are all in their own little worlds, unbothered by the interactions happening around them.

Now imagine that these ladies are all aware of one another.  Let's take that one step further.  Imagine they actually know one another.  Maybe they are sisters, mothers, daughters, cousins, and close family friends.  The entire scene changes.  The teenagers stand up and walk over to the little girl who is crying.  She just needed someone to hold her hand, maybe to give her a hug and some advice from her peers/elders.  Next, the group migrates toward the shy youngster on the swings.  They all decide to play a game suitable for a small child, and once the little girl warms up to the idea, they begin to laugh and run about.  The little girl lights up, and even her mom joins in as they all hold hands in a big circle.  Lastly, the moms, who were trying to be efficient with their time, see the fun their kids are having and make their way into the circle to join hands.  The entire playground full of people is now laughing and dancing in a circle together.

This is what happened to the personas in my mind a few days ago.  It was beautiful.  Ever since I did a meditation on healing about six months ago, I began viewing my perceived flaws, injuries, and otherwise less than perfect parts of myself as friends.  It allowed me to change the conversations I had with myself from "my knee isn't cooperating" and "this head cold is so annoying" to "Hey there, knee; what can I do to make you feel better?" and "I'm sorry you feel like you're underwater, sinuses, please tell me when I move too fast.  I'll listen."  Simple things like that have morphed into even broader issues, which now take on their own personalities.

Picture the playground once more.  Imagine that the shy child is a woman who suffered a lot of loss and doesn't want to open up to those around her.  Now imagine that she (or he) is the part of you afraid of getting hurt.  If the part of you afraid of being hurt works with the positive, outgoing, friendly customer service worker in you, and the overworked part of you works with the part of you that does yoga (or runs or lifts weights), you may find that even the observers of your mind (the circling moms) can't help but join in on the party that arises from all parts working together.

Message of the Day:  Grant every part of your being an audience with your attention.  Sometimes that's all they seek.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Easter Sunday!

I'm skipping my Sunday Confessional this week.  It's Easter!  Easter is a time to celebrate.

It's the first Easter since my grandfather's passing (not the first holiday, though).  The last holiday we did at my Aunt's (his daughter's house).  We get together as one big family every holiday, but now that us kids have grown up, Easter is just a good meal & good conversation that can happen any time.  I believe it's time to start some new traditions.  My Aunt made the call that she will be going to her in-law's for Easter, and we went to spend Easter with the other side of my family.  I'm SO glad!

You see, Easter in America is a holiday meant for children.  Anyone can receive a present, but usually it is the kiddos who search for Easter eggs.  My cousin on the other side of the family has two adorable (loud, obnoxious, full of energy, totally sweet & huggable) children.  I enjoyed hanging out at the kids' party today!

Our day began dancing around the living room in our Easter dresses to some fun music.  Then the guys came home from their bike ride and it turned into running around the living room & jumping on one of those bean bag couches.  Before the other guests arrived, we helped set the table.  Sadly, I didn't make photographs of it, but me and my little cousin made the table settings with place cards and pretty ribbons.  It was adorable!

Best of all, there were ten of us sharing a meal, swapping stories, and laughing.  There was so much good food (we're Italian, after all), and lots of laughter.  We invented new words, new meanings for existing words, busted out in song, and were just overall pretty silly.  That's my idea of a perfect afternoon.  Oh, and then we all went for a bike ride!  What could be better?

I cherish the great days in life, and this was one of them!

Message of the Day:  Start new traditions.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.
Cheers!  Happy Easter!

Moving: It's official

Well, it's official.  I'm moving out of my apartment.  In 27 days, it will no longer be mine.

I have had so much fun decorating it over the past year, but it's time to move!  I'm having separation anxiety already; I fell in love with the space.  Here are some photos I have taken of my humble abode:

It might be a culture shock having a television again when I move back home, and I will definitely have to get used to the whole roommate/parents thing again!  Overall, it will be a good thing though.  This is a blog about positivity, so I won't tell you about my landlord.  Despite the drama, which I won't get into, the space itself is pretty cool.  I've made it my own.  I keep gazing around the room with the knowledge that soon it will look very different, and it makes me want to use the space in the ways I envisioned when I first got here again.  I plan on staying until the very last day.  Actually, I have to move the furniture before then, but I will definitely be using the space as my own personal yoga/art studio until the last possible moment!

Message of the Day:  Be present in each day, for change is inevitable.
...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Integration is Key

Getting back into yoga these past few weeks, I have noticed and begun to appreciate so much more about my body than I have in a long time.  It is amazing how much getting back into the swing of things happens so organically.  At times, it feels as though I never left, and other times I notice things about my posture that weren't there before.  Playing with my poses on the mat allows me to figure out how my body naturally wants to move.  This helps in real life.

Since I got back on my mat, I have been pretty confident about staying true to my body, and modifying when I need to.  Many yogis, including myself, challenge themselves to push themselves further and further, but yoga is really about listening to your body, and dialing it back is what serves me best at the moment.

I have been extra careful about re-injury, but it's time to stop babying myself.  I'm ready!  So, I was working with my physical therapist on my yoga posture the other day, making sure that I was in  alignment in my practice.  I wanted to make absolutely sure that I'm working the right muscle groups so that I don't do something dangerous trying to be superwoman (or a beautiful warrior) on my mat.  Surprisingly, he only had a couple of pointers for me.  I don't know why I was so surprised.  I have been doing yoga for over seven years now and I have had some really great teachers in that time, but I took a long break from my practice so I assumed that I would be rusty.  I have to pay extra attention, and things feel different than before, but I know what I'm doing.

When my PT was working with me off the mat, he was beginning to use yogic terms (starting with things like "lunge," but also "malasana," and "mountain") while relating them to everyday activities.  Putting into practice off the mat everything I've learned through yoga about proper alignment and posture gives me the tools to conquer life with ease.  Keeping the alignment tips and adjustments I learned this week in mind, I feel confident that I can be a graceful warrior, both on and off my mat!

Message of the Day: Take a holistic approach to your challenges; it may ease your struggle.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Back to Yoga; Let Go & Create!

For those of you who don't yoga, the basic formula of a yoga class is as follows:

1. Centering

Usually in a seated asana, this is the time during which we turn our attention inward and set an intention for our practice.  This intention can be physical, mental, or both, but the time taken to "center" is about leaving our worldly issues at the door and contemplating what we would like to focus on during the time we're in class.  We attune our bodies, minds and spirits so that we are present in our practice.

2. Moving through a series of poses

Next, we do all those "yoga things" you might think about when you envision a yoga class.  Different types of yoga call this different names and are slightly different, but it's the same basic principle.  Most yoga instructors will give some sort of direction on posture (asanas and/or mudras) and breath (pranayama).

3. Final relaxation

Finally, we chill out.  Usually we do this thing called "savasana" or corpse pose, which looks pretty much how it sounds (like the photo below).  At this point in the class, we may have done some pretty intense sweating, played with our posture, flexibility, balance, breath and/or spiritual intentions, and now it is time to do nothing but appreciate the earth holding us up for a while.

Normally, throughout the class, the instructor has some wisdom to impart upon his or her students that goes beyond the physical, although that is super important as well.  There are some pretty standard things every yogi has heard in their yoga practice over the years.  These common themes include noticing your body, lifting your heart, grounding yourself, observing and controlling the breath, clearing the mind, and encouraging positive thoughts and actions.  Lately, I have been focusing on "noticing my body," noticing where it is holding tension, allowing it to rest when it asks me to, pushing it only as far as it can handle, challenging it to balance in new ways, and overall honoring both its abilities and limitations.  However, tonight I took a restorative class.

For you non-yogis, a "restorative class" is one during which we skip "Step 2," and put our bodies into supportive postures, relaxing into poses and letting gravity do the work for us, which seems like cheating, but feels amazing, especially at the end of a long day!  This can be a powerful class for those of us who are distracted or lost in thought, because we have to deal with our minds and either allow them to continue chattering or regain control, consciously slowing them down.  During a normal savasana, or an entire restorative class, yoga instructors typically give some direction to their students to notice what is going on in our brains for a moment and let go of what is bothering us.  This is so important, since many of our aches and tight spots in our body can be directly conjured and controlled with our minds.  Tonight there was some direction to let go, but then, my wonderful instructor and yogini friend invited us to create something with that new space!

As many of you know, last year was full of loss for me.  I had a lot to deal with, and I held on, resistant to the rapid changes in my life.  This year, I intend to sway a bit more, more bending and less breaking, having shed much of what I was holding on to.  If you trim away some of the dead branches and old ideas or Habits (I recently wrote about this one) which no longer serve you, then you make room for new ideas and behaviors.  Tonight, and all day today really, I have been feeling so much potential.  The potential is built to the max in my life.  I don't recommend feeling broken to anyone, but I can honestly say that it is my greatest motivator.  I can only grow stronger in my body, mind, and spirit from here.  I have made space in my life for new people, a new career, a stronger practice, and the creation of some healthy new habits!  As a naturally creative being, the creative potential built up is ridiculously apparent, and I'm excited.

Message of the Day: Let go of the past, and create something beautiful with the present for your future.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!