Sunday Confessional: Drafts

True writer's block usually isn't staring at the screen (or paper, pen in hand) and having absolutely nothing to say, it is more often hating everything you wrote.  For a blog about positivity, that's one hundred percent counterproductive!

I have writer's block.

There are about 20 great beginnings, topics, and entirely completed entries in my drafts folder.  Most of them, I'm not satisfied with.  For some, they are not ready yet.  For some, the mood has expired and they no longer feel appropriate.  For others, they seem like they don't belong on a 'positivity' blog.  Still, others are just "blah," and they belong in the trash.

The final reason I haven't posted this week is that most of what I wrote just don't seem okay to post on such a public forum.  I'm not making excuses, but I feel the need to share that I have been struggling with a seemingly fundamental blogging issue for the past two weeks.  Blogging is about sharing, but everything I have to write about lately belongs in my diary, not on the internet.

How do I write about friends, family, dating, financial craziness, work issues, or any other scary topics that I wouldn't tell my mother?  Or my boss?  I feel filtered.  I feel restricted.  It's like writing out a text message to someone you know you shouldn't say "THAT" to and letting it sit in your drafts folder for a week or two.

So, here is some vulnerability:

- I'm feeling financially cornered.
- There are parts about the single life that really get me down.
- My ex, whom I had just started entering a really cool friends again place with, just exited my life via text.
- I don't want to publish my "first date" story with a boy because I told him that I blog and he is a friend.  A friend who might read what I wrote.
- I got back from my work vacation to find out that a distant relative died and there was family in town, but I was too exhausted from traveling to see them.
- My Nonna's birthday was this week.  She died last year.  It was hard.

I have come to terms with all of this, and hopefully I have gotten over my funk.  Here are some of my coping mechanisms:

- I'm taking back control of my financial situation.
- Dating or single, I am who I am, and I refuse to let the possibility of a broken heart bar me from dating.
- Letting go.  I still feel disrespected and dragged around (again), but if he can't be a friend, then he just can't be a friend.  I accept it.
- I'll have a frank conversation with the man I went on that date with, and then maybe one day I will talk about it.  Maybe I won't.  Either would be okay.
- I forgive myself for avoiding death because of exhaustion & my own health.  It's okay.
- Finally, Nonna loves me.  I will tell stories about how amazing she was until the day I die.
Ti amo, Bella!

Message of the Day:  It is okay to keep some things close to the chest, just as it is okay to be vulnerable.

Cheers!