Online Dating

The internet.  Can't live with it, can't live without it.

For many, we embrace the internet as something we live with, something we sleep with (how many people really turn off their phones before they go to sleep anymore?), and something we truly can't live without.

The internet is a great resource.  However, socially, we might be much happier if we stopped living our lives online.  I write a blog, who am I to talk, right?  I'm not saying that we shouldn't use social media; the internet is a great tool, both for communication with friends and sharing information quickly with the masses.  However, we should live our lives in the real world, and share those experiences online (ie. don't miss out on what is going on around us because we're in the virtual world).

Living in the single world for a while, I have realized that most people are or have been on some sort of dating site.  That is totally bizarre to me, since I get bent out of shape when friends even try to "set me up."  So, I find it totally odd that some people find strangers online and somehow become an item.  Someone's pictures can tell you a little bit about them, but you miss out on a giant piece of them when they can't look at you and you can't look back: their soul!  You miss out on their body language (which is, arguably, 90% of all that we say), you miss out on their smells, and their overall presence.

The last 3 guys I've dated didn't have Facebook accounts.  I thought this was just a coincidence; it doesn't really have much to do with who I look for or why, it just happened that way.  I don't much care for "coincidences," though.  Maybe I should recognize that I tend to choose to date men who live their lives in the real world as opposed to the virtual one.  Conversely, men who are on their phones the entire evening tend to turn me off.  Anyhow, I met all of these men through mutual friends or chance encounters.  I've never had a Tinder/Match/[insert other dating app/site here] account.

You know that feeling you get when a relationship starts feeling "not quite right?"  You begin to think that you're just not the same as you once were.  Maybe your feelings have changed.  Once upon a time, I found out that my last boyfriend was on Tinder.  It was right after we had broken up, but it bothered me more than I let on at the time.  Sometimes people assume that it's "harmless" or that just "checking [the website/app] out" is fine, but it's not.  If you DON'T delete your Tinder/Match/Zoosk/[insert site/app here] when you've started dating someone (or create one while you're in a relationship), it's really not okay.  It has become SO easy to search the internet for millions of other people to interact with, that we have so many other 'options' at our fingertips.  So, the next time you go on an awesome date, take away the temptation.  Delete your accounts.  I dare you.  You can always create them again later if the real world isn't cutting it for you.

If we take the initiative by taking away the extra temptation of shopping around for other potential dates, then we have to actually face our problems (or go about things the old fashioned way by buying a drink at the bar and spilling our feelings to a stranger - in person).

Either way (in the real world or the virtual one), we have 2 options when we have problems in our relationships.  We can talk about it with our partner, or we can ignore that feeling.  People go about each in different ways, but we have made it so easy in this day and age to ignore our problems and distract ourselves or mentally move on without talking about it until it's too late.  If we choose distraction over communication, it usually means doom for the relationship.  Avoiding one another often seems easier than working things out.  Every social media outlet out there has made it so easy to justify that there will always be someone 'better' than whomever you're with, but just remember that the people we are on the internet are not the people we are in real life.  On the internet (and even via text), we have filter after filter after filter.  We can edit the words we say, we don't have to use body language or inflection which reveal that we are tired or scared or happy or sarcastic, we can post/share photos of ourselves after we've 'cleaned up' (ie. I never have to see a photo of what you currently look like if you don't want me to).

Hint: 99% of the above applies to all relationships, not just our romantic ones.

In my "social circle":

- Planning a time to meet/socialize puts you on my list of top favorite people.

- Calling me trumps texting, every time.
- If you Skype me, I'm tickled pink; it takes a bit of effort, but I can actually see you!

- Privately Snapchat/texting me trumps tagging me on Facebook.

- Posting something thoughtful on Facebook is a great way to express yourself, but please ask yourself if it's really meant for every stranger out there on the internet!

- Replying to a photo/caption of mine on Facebook means that you were either bored or you took the time to 'stalk me,' which is an acceptable amount of effort these days (and aligns with the reason I shared it in the first place).  Thanks for noticing.

...and

- Knocking on my door to pop in and say hello will always make my day!

Readers, what would your model of preferred communication look like?

Message of the day: Social Media is great, but I'd much rather you call me and invite me to lunch than share a photo of your balogna sandwich with me!

...Or don't.  (I don't like balogna, either!)  Cheers!