Online Dating

The internet.  Can't live with it, can't live without it.

For many, we embrace the internet as something we live with, something we sleep with (how many people really turn off their phones before they go to sleep anymore?), and something we truly can't live without.

The internet is a great resource.  However, socially, we might be much happier if we stopped living our lives online.  I write a blog, who am I to talk, right?  I'm not saying that we shouldn't use social media; the internet is a great tool, both for communication with friends and sharing information quickly with the masses.  However, we should live our lives in the real world, and share those experiences online (ie. don't miss out on what is going on around us because we're in the virtual world).

Living in the single world for a while, I have realized that most people are or have been on some sort of dating site.  That is totally bizarre to me, since I get bent out of shape when friends even try to "set me up."  So, I find it totally odd that some people find strangers online and somehow become an item.  Someone's pictures can tell you a little bit about them, but you miss out on a giant piece of them when they can't look at you and you can't look back: their soul!  You miss out on their body language (which is, arguably, 90% of all that we say), you miss out on their smells, and their overall presence.

The last 3 guys I've dated didn't have Facebook accounts.  I thought this was just a coincidence; it doesn't really have much to do with who I look for or why, it just happened that way.  I don't much care for "coincidences," though.  Maybe I should recognize that I tend to choose to date men who live their lives in the real world as opposed to the virtual one.  Conversely, men who are on their phones the entire evening tend to turn me off.  Anyhow, I met all of these men through mutual friends or chance encounters.  I've never had a Tinder/Match/[insert other dating app/site here] account.

You know that feeling you get when a relationship starts feeling "not quite right?"  You begin to think that you're just not the same as you once were.  Maybe your feelings have changed.  Once upon a time, I found out that my last boyfriend was on Tinder.  It was right after we had broken up, but it bothered me more than I let on at the time.  Sometimes people assume that it's "harmless" or that just "checking [the website/app] out" is fine, but it's not.  If you DON'T delete your Tinder/Match/Zoosk/[insert site/app here] when you've started dating someone (or create one while you're in a relationship), it's really not okay.  It has become SO easy to search the internet for millions of other people to interact with, that we have so many other 'options' at our fingertips.  So, the next time you go on an awesome date, take away the temptation.  Delete your accounts.  I dare you.  You can always create them again later if the real world isn't cutting it for you.

If we take the initiative by taking away the extra temptation of shopping around for other potential dates, then we have to actually face our problems (or go about things the old fashioned way by buying a drink at the bar and spilling our feelings to a stranger - in person).

Either way (in the real world or the virtual one), we have 2 options when we have problems in our relationships.  We can talk about it with our partner, or we can ignore that feeling.  People go about each in different ways, but we have made it so easy in this day and age to ignore our problems and distract ourselves or mentally move on without talking about it until it's too late.  If we choose distraction over communication, it usually means doom for the relationship.  Avoiding one another often seems easier than working things out.  Every social media outlet out there has made it so easy to justify that there will always be someone 'better' than whomever you're with, but just remember that the people we are on the internet are not the people we are in real life.  On the internet (and even via text), we have filter after filter after filter.  We can edit the words we say, we don't have to use body language or inflection which reveal that we are tired or scared or happy or sarcastic, we can post/share photos of ourselves after we've 'cleaned up' (ie. I never have to see a photo of what you currently look like if you don't want me to).

Hint: 99% of the above applies to all relationships, not just our romantic ones.

In my "social circle":

- Planning a time to meet/socialize puts you on my list of top favorite people.

- Calling me trumps texting, every time.
- If you Skype me, I'm tickled pink; it takes a bit of effort, but I can actually see you!

- Privately Snapchat/texting me trumps tagging me on Facebook.

- Posting something thoughtful on Facebook is a great way to express yourself, but please ask yourself if it's really meant for every stranger out there on the internet!

- Replying to a photo/caption of mine on Facebook means that you were either bored or you took the time to 'stalk me,' which is an acceptable amount of effort these days (and aligns with the reason I shared it in the first place).  Thanks for noticing.

...and

- Knocking on my door to pop in and say hello will always make my day!

Readers, what would your model of preferred communication look like?

Message of the day: Social Media is great, but I'd much rather you call me and invite me to lunch than share a photo of your balogna sandwich with me!

...Or don't.  (I don't like balogna, either!)  Cheers!

Taxes: Done!

I skipped my Sunday Confessional yesterday to finish up my taxes after work.  It was an exhausting week, and I'm sure next week will be even more tiring, but my taxes are done!  That makes the year a little better.  The government will be sending me a check in 4-6 weeks.  Yay for tax season [being over]!

Message of the Day:  Just get them done.  You'll feel so much better.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Moving Cost

I'm moving out of my apartment in approximately 22 days...

Still recovering from an injury, I don't want to mess up my shoulder again by lifting heavy boxes.  But I need to move.  My parents already have to rearrange their space, and neither of them can really lift at the moment.  So, I figured that I would hire someone with a big truck to help me.  Well, I found out exactly how expensive that would be.  Once you add up the large furniture from a few "rooms," there is a lot that I need help with.

The cost?  It's pretty much another month's rent.  I'm trying to SAVE money by moving, not spend a ton of extra money.  Still, I was willing to pay the cost of moving to save some cash long term.  That is, until my friends heard about this plan.

I kid you not, within 48 hours of figuring out that I had to shell out some steep moving costs, three friends offered to help me out.  I responded with "I feel bad, because I can't really lift anything heavy," and my friend (we'll call her Elsy) said "That's what friends are for!"  So cliche, I know, but she is totally right!  If Elsy needed help or support, I would totally be there, so why feel bad asking her to help me out?  After that boost of confidence, I felt okay asking my strong young male friends for their help as well, and to my pleasant surprise, they jumped at the notion of helping me move.  I am so grateful to have such wonderful friends!

This is such a relief because I was dreading the whole moving process.  I moved about 5 times last year for a variety of reasons, only once or twice with heavy furniture, but I did most of them by myself.  It was exhausting.  Moving won't be so bad this time around, though.  I have a great group of friends who stepped up and offered to move my large furniture for me for the cost of some good food and cheerful company!  ...AND there are some other folks who are on board with a moving out party on short notice, so I actually get to celebrate this time!

Message of the Day:  Need help?  Ask a friend!

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Unity.

.... ....

Sometimes it takes the proper environment to have a really great meditation.  In the past few weeks, I've been staying true to my goal of creating better Habits, and I have been having better and better meditations.  I usually meditate by myself, but group meditations can be very powerful.  Sometimes having someone to guide you acts as an additional focusing tool, and it can produce some amazing results.  The best mediations I've had are either in front of a mirror (I'll post about this later), and at a yoga studio with an experienced yogini guiding a meditation "class."

Last week, I experienced the most beautiful mediation.  I'm not including a photo here because I'd like you to visualize what I did during my meditation without any preconceived images, like reading the book instead of watching the film.

My inner child has been suppressed lately, unable to play in the ways that I would like to.  Going perhaps deeper into that theme, my highest self has been out of touch.  We all strive to be our best selves, but sometimes we don't allow parts of ourselves that are aching to be heard out of the deepest corners of our minds because we aren't ready to deal with them, or we view them as bad and would rather forget about them.  Sometimes we actually do forget that versions of ourselves longing to be heard are calling out for us in our minds.  I'm a Gemini, so I joke with folks who know what that means that the twins in my brain are fighting at the moment whenever I'm having internal conflicts.  Really, though, we all have internal conflicts.  I give them [each of my internal battles] personas.  That is what they are, really.  When they are in harmony, my mind is at peace.  When life is troubling me, I often feel as though I am being pulled in different directions.

Imagine for a moment a playground.  School is out, but it is full of people of varying ages.  There is a younger girl visiting with her mom who is on the swings.  She is shy, and scared to play for fear of being hurt because all the older kids are much bigger.  One child is crying over something trivial; she is older, so you know that she is probably having a rough day and something just set her off.  A pair of mothers are walking around the track, keeping a distant watch over their children while they get in some social time and a healthy workout.  A few teenage girls are sitting in a circle passing cell phones and doing the social media thing, laughing and having a good time.  They are all in their own little worlds, unbothered by the interactions happening around them.

Now imagine that these ladies are all aware of one another.  Let's take that one step further.  Imagine they actually know one another.  Maybe they are sisters, mothers, daughters, cousins, and close family friends.  The entire scene changes.  The teenagers stand up and walk over to the little girl who is crying.  She just needed someone to hold her hand, maybe to give her a hug and some advice from her peers/elders.  Next, the group migrates toward the shy youngster on the swings.  They all decide to play a game suitable for a small child, and once the little girl warms up to the idea, they begin to laugh and run about.  The little girl lights up, and even her mom joins in as they all hold hands in a big circle.  Lastly, the moms, who were trying to be efficient with their time, see the fun their kids are having and make their way into the circle to join hands.  The entire playground full of people is now laughing and dancing in a circle together.

This is what happened to the personas in my mind a few days ago.  It was beautiful.  Ever since I did a meditation on healing about six months ago, I began viewing my perceived flaws, injuries, and otherwise less than perfect parts of myself as friends.  It allowed me to change the conversations I had with myself from "my knee isn't cooperating" and "this head cold is so annoying" to "Hey there, knee; what can I do to make you feel better?" and "I'm sorry you feel like you're underwater, sinuses, please tell me when I move too fast.  I'll listen."  Simple things like that have morphed into even broader issues, which now take on their own personalities.

Picture the playground once more.  Imagine that the shy child is a woman who suffered a lot of loss and doesn't want to open up to those around her.  Now imagine that she (or he) is the part of you afraid of getting hurt.  If the part of you afraid of being hurt works with the positive, outgoing, friendly customer service worker in you, and the overworked part of you works with the part of you that does yoga (or runs or lifts weights), you may find that even the observers of your mind (the circling moms) can't help but join in on the party that arises from all parts working together.

Message of the Day:  Grant every part of your being an audience with your attention.  Sometimes that's all they seek.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Easter Sunday!

I'm skipping my Sunday Confessional this week.  It's Easter!  Easter is a time to celebrate.

It's the first Easter since my grandfather's passing (not the first holiday, though).  The last holiday we did at my Aunt's (his daughter's house).  We get together as one big family every holiday, but now that us kids have grown up, Easter is just a good meal & good conversation that can happen any time.  I believe it's time to start some new traditions.  My Aunt made the call that she will be going to her in-law's for Easter, and we went to spend Easter with the other side of my family.  I'm SO glad!

You see, Easter in America is a holiday meant for children.  Anyone can receive a present, but usually it is the kiddos who search for Easter eggs.  My cousin on the other side of the family has two adorable (loud, obnoxious, full of energy, totally sweet & huggable) children.  I enjoyed hanging out at the kids' party today!

Our day began dancing around the living room in our Easter dresses to some fun music.  Then the guys came home from their bike ride and it turned into running around the living room & jumping on one of those bean bag couches.  Before the other guests arrived, we helped set the table.  Sadly, I didn't make photographs of it, but me and my little cousin made the table settings with place cards and pretty ribbons.  It was adorable!

Best of all, there were ten of us sharing a meal, swapping stories, and laughing.  There was so much good food (we're Italian, after all), and lots of laughter.  We invented new words, new meanings for existing words, busted out in song, and were just overall pretty silly.  That's my idea of a perfect afternoon.  Oh, and then we all went for a bike ride!  What could be better?

I cherish the great days in life, and this was one of them!

Message of the Day:  Start new traditions.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.
Cheers!  Happy Easter!

Moving: It's official

Well, it's official.  I'm moving out of my apartment.  In 27 days, it will no longer be mine.

I have had so much fun decorating it over the past year, but it's time to move!  I'm having separation anxiety already; I fell in love with the space.  Here are some photos I have taken of my humble abode:

It might be a culture shock having a television again when I move back home, and I will definitely have to get used to the whole roommate/parents thing again!  Overall, it will be a good thing though.  This is a blog about positivity, so I won't tell you about my landlord.  Despite the drama, which I won't get into, the space itself is pretty cool.  I've made it my own.  I keep gazing around the room with the knowledge that soon it will look very different, and it makes me want to use the space in the ways I envisioned when I first got here again.  I plan on staying until the very last day.  Actually, I have to move the furniture before then, but I will definitely be using the space as my own personal yoga/art studio until the last possible moment!

Message of the Day:  Be present in each day, for change is inevitable.
...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Integration is Key

Getting back into yoga these past few weeks, I have noticed and begun to appreciate so much more about my body than I have in a long time.  It is amazing how much getting back into the swing of things happens so organically.  At times, it feels as though I never left, and other times I notice things about my posture that weren't there before.  Playing with my poses on the mat allows me to figure out how my body naturally wants to move.  This helps in real life.

Since I got back on my mat, I have been pretty confident about staying true to my body, and modifying when I need to.  Many yogis, including myself, challenge themselves to push themselves further and further, but yoga is really about listening to your body, and dialing it back is what serves me best at the moment.

I have been extra careful about re-injury, but it's time to stop babying myself.  I'm ready!  So, I was working with my physical therapist on my yoga posture the other day, making sure that I was in  alignment in my practice.  I wanted to make absolutely sure that I'm working the right muscle groups so that I don't do something dangerous trying to be superwoman (or a beautiful warrior) on my mat.  Surprisingly, he only had a couple of pointers for me.  I don't know why I was so surprised.  I have been doing yoga for over seven years now and I have had some really great teachers in that time, but I took a long break from my practice so I assumed that I would be rusty.  I have to pay extra attention, and things feel different than before, but I know what I'm doing.

When my PT was working with me off the mat, he was beginning to use yogic terms (starting with things like "lunge," but also "malasana," and "mountain") while relating them to everyday activities.  Putting into practice off the mat everything I've learned through yoga about proper alignment and posture gives me the tools to conquer life with ease.  Keeping the alignment tips and adjustments I learned this week in mind, I feel confident that I can be a graceful warrior, both on and off my mat!

Message of the Day: Take a holistic approach to your challenges; it may ease your struggle.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!