Snow in the South

Hello Readers!

So, for the past few days, I have been in North Carolina on business.  I am at a hotel that has spotty internet at best, relatively low water pressure in my shower, and mediocre food.  This trip has been so much fun!  I got here early to see my aunt, which was really cool because I hardly ever get to see her, so it started off on a great note.  I have a HUGE bed compared to my twin mattress at home, and two chairs to hang out in.  Here is a photo:

...whoops!  Experiencing technical difficulties (probably because the internet kicks me off constantly at this hotel).  I'll update these photos when I get back to civilization.

We've been in meetings all day, and then we go out in the evenings with our coworkers.  My coworkers are hilarious people who have worked aboard commercial vessels, as teachers, as field interviewers, and a bunch of other tough professions.  They have the most hilarious stories to share!  We geek out about fish biology, had an intense conversation about invasive species.  It's funny because information sharing whilst intoxicated can be a hilarious experience.  Every one of us was getting very passionate about a different species of invaders, and a topic near and dear to our hearts.  Not to bore you, but just to give you a rough idea of what we were talking about, zebra mussels and carp invading the Great Lakes, road building and logging in the Amazon altering the biota miles away, locals dying on Mount Everest because they are financially coerced into assisting foreign travelers, and the list goes on in a similar fashion.

This morning, I woke up to this:

We knew last night that there might be snow on the ground when we woke up, but 6 inches or whatever we just got is a LOT of snow here in the South.  The locals are freaking out a bit, apocalypse style!  All of us Northerners joke around about the silly white dusting they got and were expecting more of, but the locals are scared to drive (rightfully so, if you watch the news), and the entire state may be shut down.  They barely have plows down here in North Carolina.  I have a flight back home tonight.  We might all be stuck here!  The good news?  Work will reimburse us for some of our time.  The bad news?  I have to work up North tomorrow, and my other job is not going to be pleased.  Let's hope that the planes aren't too delayed, and we can all get out of here.  We've been hearing horror stories about ice and snow.  Here I thought that I was going to North Carolina, a place where it would be warm and I would finally get a much needed break from the snow, and it followed me down here!  Oh well, at least I don't have to shovel (do they even have those down here?).

Hopefully I fly home tonight.  Cross your fingers/say a prayer!

...Or don't.  It *might* not change my reality.  Cheers!

Impact

Way back in 2014, I was having brunch with a man of the cloth.  Usually quite excitable, positive, and inspiring, he seemed quite the opposite of his usual self that day.  He admitted to me that he was absolutely drained of all his energy.   Even preachers get a little down on life sometimes.

When I asked him why he seemed so bummed, he confided that he was struggling with something quite human in nature.  You see, as a man of God, he is always giving of himself and trying to help other people.  That day, however, he questioned how much he actually helps because he doesn't often see the end results of his work.  As humans, it is natural to want to see causes and effects.  When someone comes to a therapist, a preacher, or even a friend because he or she is in a bad place, they may not express or even realize the effect that person had on them.  If someone helps you out, it never hurts to say "thank you."

Has someone helped you out recently?

My Mom has a few stories of 'random acts of kindness' in which people didn't know how big of an impact they've had on her life, and she shared a funny one that morning that seemed to cheer up our friend.

Back in the 90s, my family got stuck on the highway far from home on a hot, sunny afternoon.  I believe the alternator went, and my dad strained to push the gas petal to the floor just to coast over to the breakdown lane!  Two small kids in the car, we were stuck with at least a mile in either direction to safety from the crowded highway.  Not up on the times yet, we had no way to call for help.  This was the early 90s; cell phones had just become popular.  Long story short, a man pulled over on the side of the road in front of us to eat a mango.  Mom thought, "He must have a cell phone!"  After turning down the slice of mango he had offered her with his switchblade, Mom asked the man if he had a mobile phone.  He did.   Good thing, too.  It turns out that we were just in time to call for a tow truck and a rental car before they closed the shop for the day!  That man who pulled over on the side of the road for a mango saved the day, and he didn't really stick around after he served his purpose.

Those chance encounters with people that you may never see again still happen in this day and age.  The truth is that we impact others every day, in small ways and in big ones.  So, be a positive influence in someone's life today.  You never know whose day you may brighten, or whose life you may change!

Message of the day: Say "thank you" when you can, and aim to be a positive influence in this world.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Sunday Confessional: Hospitals

Last week, I began something called my Sunday Confessional.  It's a time when I strip away my positive outlook and share a real, vulnerable moment in which I struggled to smile.

I had a very serious moment last Sunday evening, I got very sick.  I'll spare you the gory details, but I threw up 6 or 7 times over the course of an hour or two.  Because I lost so much fluid at once, I became very dizzy and almost fainted.  I found out later that this is not uncommon.  But, in the moment when the world went fuzzy and my reflection was that of a zombie, I got scared.  So scared that I totally lost it!  I dropped to the floor, feet in the air, and called 911.  Something very wrong was happening with my body.  It was making funny noises.  I was feeling a million strange sensations at once.  I was worried because of the medication I was on, and to top it all off, I was about to pass out amidst a vomiting episode.  Alone in my apartment, this was not the best scenario to be in.

So, the EMTs arrived at my apartment to find me on the floor, a tad more conscious than I had been when I called, but still ghostly pale.  Embarrassed, I took a ride to the hospital just to be sure that nothing more serious was going on.

As a child, I took many rides in an ambulance, but there was always someone there with me.  My last ambulance ride was alone as well, but I was hyped up on adrenaline. This time, there wasn't anyone familiar with me.  My body was in pain.  Every fiber of my being was drained and exhausted.  I was thinking about the massive bill going to arrive soon for this expensive excursion.  I was trying to filter through my cloudy brain to find the relevant medical information like what drugs I was taking, allergies, and other basic medical history.  I was cursing myself for not wearing my medical alert bracelet (in case someone had found me unconscious).  Most of all, I was dreading telling this same story to the EMTs, then the RN, the MD, and since it was nearly midnight, the covering RN and MD.  All the while, my brain was fighting a panic attack, and I could just feel myself in a state of inescapable resistance to the world around me.

The EMTs asked me to get on the gurney, and instead of my usual, "Okay.  I know how this goes and I'll just go with the flow" attitude, I felt panicked.  Just asking me if he could buckle me in brought me to tears.  That's not to say that I was a miserable, blubbery mess the entire time.  Admittedly, my dark side came over me once or twice when my parents showed up and there were just too many people in the room asking me too many questions.  However, I perked up by the 2nd or 3rd IV bag of fluids, and the end of my hospital stay.  I found it hilarious, both in the moment and in retrospect, that amidst my tears and sullen attitude, I kept saying things like "I'm sorry.  I'm normally a happy, positive person."  I'm sure the EMTs and doctors are used to people not being their 'best selves,' but I was definitely a disaster.  Normally doesn't mean just out in the world on a normal day.  There was something totally wonky going on because under extreme circumstances of emergency, the presence of the EMTs usually calms me and I have a positive attitude no matter how crummy my body feels, joking around when appropriate.  I take pride in making the lives of the health professionals around me joyous.  Clearly, that didn't happen last Sunday.  I was rather a pain, actually.

Longing for a "reset" button, I didn't really escape the heightened energy feeling until yesterday.  As much rest as I was getting, as much amazing support I got from friends and family, I was only happy and recovered on the surface.  Thinking I was all better, I returned to work on Thursday.  No matter what I did, I couldn't shake this deep seeded feeling that I needed help to feel less anxious.  I confided in a coworker (whom I think I drove a little nutty by bouncing about the office, unable to calm down).  She suggested Holosync, which is something that I have done before (in principle), but never as an actual meditation, or when I really needed to.

Then, I went to see my PT.  He's an awesome guy, and a great friend.  I confided in him about not being able to meditate in my usual ways and thinking about this silly idea of taking a doctor's advice to use medications in order to change my brain chemistry.  He affirmed what I needed to hear, reminding me that I can change my brain chemistry myself.  By changing my environment, I can make changes that will outlast the effect of any anti anxiety medication.  In this case, I need to change up the way I meditate.  He shared something with me that has been enticing me with increasing frequency as of late.

Have you ever heard of something called binaural beats?

They are basically different frequencies, alternating both in pitch and in which ear you hear them, used to make changes to your brain.  You have to use headphones while listening.  It is a great tool to use for when you need a more passive meditation and can't seem to get to a calm state without assistance.  That is the basic the technique Holosync, and many other, similar meditation series use.

I tried this Brainwave Studio App today, and it seemed to be effective.  It helped me slow down my brain a bit, at least.  I think I'll alternate using this and my current meditation routine for a while.

Message of the Day:  Ask for help, listen to the Universe when it repeats itself, and change up your routine if it serves you.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Vectors of Disease

We are all vectors of disease in the winter.  I am officially convinced.  I recently got over a stomach bug.  My last two or three posts happened automatically because I was asleep.  Recovering.

I took a trip in an ambulance.  I don't know what came over me, but I got sick.  Lost my lunch about 6 or 7 times.  Apparently it's not abnormal to faint after losing a lot of fluid in a short amount of time due to loss of blood pressure, and that's what happened to me.  I was seconds from fainting (good thing I didn't actually happen while I was alone in my apartment).  I'll post more about this in my Sunday Confessional tomorrow, but I want to be positive about it first.

From this crazy adventure, I learned 3 things:

I have an awesome support system!  My family doesn't hate me even though I got them sick.  My parents drove over an hour to take me home from the hospital.  Also, I have some concerned neighbors who are good in a crisis, and friends who chatted with me while I was feeling bleh.

PMS is real.  I was in such a crummy mood that I was crying over nothing.  Like, "I'm going to have to buckle you into the stretcher."  True confession.  Sometimes it is hilarious

My stomach deserves only healthy food.  For the rest of my life!

Message of the Day:  We all get sick sometimes.  Take the time you need to recover.  Your body will thank you for it.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Secrets!

Have you ever gotten the feeling someone was about to tell you a secret?

Whether in person or via text, you can usually tell when someone is about to divulge a big secret.  They get abnormally uncomfortable or excited.  They act in a way that is out of sorts from their usual self.  Unless they are very good at hiding their feelings, it isn't difficult to tell when someone is about to tell you something that isn't public information.

Well, today I just got bombarded with a big one out of nowhere!

A friend texted me asking me how I was doing.  It was an out of the blue text, but that's 100% normal for her.  She is the whimsical type.  I responded that I am just trying to stay warm, and asked her how she was doing.

Do you know how she replied?

I couldn't make this up if I tried, so I will just quote her here...

"I'm okay, I don't work much for the next 2 months.  Doctor recommended that I stay home and rest.  Pregnant."

Ah!  Pregnant?  Crazy.  Via text message!  I see her all the time, too.  I don't know how long she has known.  I have a feeling she has known for a while now.  I don't know who knows.  But she is pregnant, and very excited about it.

I can honestly say that I don't think anyone has directly told me that they are pregnant before.  She is the first of my girlfriends (or guy friends) to confide that in me.  Usually I find out these things through the grape vine.  It's exciting.  I'm excited.  She is excited.  She will be a great Mom.  I hope you're smiling, because I am!

Message of the Day:  Share your happiness with others.  You will brighten their day, too.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Talking Photography

Pretty much everyone I know enjoys a good picture, although we all define what that is differently.  I have a friend who only uses mostly old cameras.  He still sends his film out to be developed.  There is just something about a tangible photo, developed in a lab; it has almost become romantic or nostalgic.  His hardcore film views have actually rubbed off on my vocabulary.  I now use the terminology "making a photo" rather than "taking a photo," after a long (totally fun) debate about it.  Anyhow, a while ago, we were talking about how anyone can "make a photo" now, without having ever owned a camera.

As such, a growing number of people are into photography.  The world of photography is changing rapidly in the 21st century, with the dawn of the digital "point-and-shoot" camera and now cell phone cameras capable of making more than decent photographs.  Anyone with a cell phone can now make a photograph, and play around with different settings (granted, artificially created settings that don't involve knowing much about lenses, lighting, etc., but they can figure out the basics).

I own a digital camera, which I still use on occasion, but it is way easier to use my cell phone to make a photograph in my daily life.  I have less to carry around, and, frankly, the camera my Samsung Galaxy S5 is equipped with is almost as good as my point-and-shoot.  When there is nothing to do at my job (basically, while I am waiting for people to interview), I play with my photography settings on the camera.  There are action features, and some focus settings I really like that are pretty novel for a cell phone camera.

These are a few of my favorite shots that came out of playing with the focus settings:

Simply adjusting my overall focus OR my object of focus, I was able to take many different shots.  With these two photographs of petals, I created the illusion of blurred objects in the foreground by focusing further out, which is relatively simple with a point-and-shoot, but I also was able to enhance the petal in the foreground in the first shot, which is more difficult to accomplish with a normal cell phone camera.

The final "current top favorite" photograph of selective focus is this one I shot at the local bar:

I was talking photography with a stranger I had just met.  This guy just walked up to me as I was reading (yes, I was reading at the bar) and he struck up a conversation with me (yes, guys it really is attractive to interrupt someone's alone time as long as it is done in a tactful way).  He was confident and had a nice smile, so I figured that I would put my book down for a conversation (quite the feat, as it was a very good read).  I'm glad I did, though, because not only was he quite interesting to talk to, this awesome photo above came out of it (and later a painting).  Somehow, he got to talking to me about photography, and I began showing him the cool features on my cell phone that I had discovered just weeks prior.

I bring up the random guy I met at the bar because, since then, we've crossed paths there a few times, and somehow great things always come of it.  I don't particularly care for the things kids do with their photos (the hot colored scribbled and phrases that cover most of the decent shot they took, etc.), however I was always curious about the tools they use to make such "art."  Well, I discovered this app a few weeks ago that allows me to alter photos after I have taken them.  Usually, I don't like doing that because, call me old-school, but I think it takes something away from the art involved in photography.  After playing with a simple photo I made of some candles in my bathroom (at the bar with my now photography friend), this really awesome version we churned out got me to re-think the possibilities of editing.

We turned this photo:

Into this image:

I'm still not sure whether or not I can call the second image here a "photograph," but I like it!

Message of the Day:  Open yourself up to explore new things; you might find them beautiful. Also, collaboration with friends often yields the best results!

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers! 

Sunday Confessional

I'm starting something called my "Sunday Confessional" for two reasons.  First, I would like to remind myself that it's okay to get down sometimes, as long as I pull myself out of it within a reasonable amount of time.  Second, I'd like to be more real with you, my readers, by expressing my "down moments" as well as my generally positive perspective.  Feel free to be vulnerable here with me, and share things that you are struggling with as well.

Okay, so here it is:

My Sunday Confessional:

This week, I nearly cried in the shower because of the seemingly paradoxical "Ahhh... so much less hair," and "GAH, I have NO HAIR!!!"  The first is a positive, light, wonderful feeling.  The second is SCARY!  I reached back and there was virtually, comparatively, NOTHING there.  Everyone (okay, like 3 people) have told me how "brave" I am for cutting off so much hair, but I honestly hadn't thought about it from a vanity standpoint until they pointed out how brave it was.  Now, I'm playing with products and trying to get my hair to do what I'd like it to, and it isn't really cooperating as easily as I had hoped.  Handling this whole "new hair, new me" thing, right after I washed it, pretty much looked like this:

I stared in the mirror with a line of hair product in front of me.  I had rarely used hair product when my hair was long, but something tells me it will be essential in the coming months!  Gazing at myself in the mirror led me to thinking back on the words I uttered so casually just days ago, "it'll always grow back."  Those words seemed to have a slower than snail-like connotation when considered in retrospect.

Dealing with my demons:

I called a friend who I knew would brighten my mood.  We had plans to hang out, but he confessed that he wasn't up for it (bummer, because that means now I really won't leave the apartment today).  We chatted on the phone for a while, and then my guitar started calling my name. 

I got all of my "scary" feelings out in the form of sweet frustration, learning to play the guitar.  I love my acoustic; she is such a bright sounding guitar (specifically strung that way), and she is always there for me when the world gets me down.

Message of the Day:  We all get down sometimes, just don't let your demons keep you down for long.

Either way, it won't change my reality.  Cheers!