Positivity Pick-Me-Up
Even happy people struggle sometimes. This is a safe, non-judgmental place to come for a smile.
Monday, May 11, 2015
Happy Mother's Day
For Mother's Day, I quite literally wrote my mother a book! Usually, she buys herself things from us. She knows what she wants, and when my brother and I were younger, instead of Dad getting her something from the kids, she would just get something she liked. It was easier that way. It just never stopped when we were "old enough" to get her something ourselves.
I hate buying her jewelry because she gets herself jewelry & we have completely opposite tastes so it is always a hit or miss. Sometimes we get our nails done, go out to dinner, or see a show or something. I wanted to physically give her something, though. I love writing, so this write-your-mom-a-book idea seemed really cool.
Cool, indeed! Writing this book was hard work, I tell you! Some of the pages look like this:
Really?
...there are 40 more, some a little more helpful than the one above, and others just as open-ended. I had fun doing it, but man did it take me a while! I'm very glad to have finally given it to Mom because it has been riding along in my car with me (or my purse) so that when inspiration struck, I could frantically write things down in this deceptively small book.
Message of the Day: Happy Mother's Day!
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
A Box a Day
I began this week a little overwhelmed. I still don't know where half of the food I brought over went to, my clothes are in disarray, and I keep looking at the same stacks of boxes. I have unpacked a total of one box since I moved in last week.
This week I plan on unpacking a box every day, no matter how small! That should get me fully unpacked in about two weeks! The theme of my week has been the tortoise and the hare; I'm usually the hare. I imagine the hare gets burnt out rather quickly. Being the tortoise is a much wiser path.
Message of the Day: Take Aesop's advice: Slow & steady wins the race.
...Or don't. It won't change my reality. Cheers!
This week I plan on unpacking a box every day, no matter how small! That should get me fully unpacked in about two weeks! The theme of my week has been the tortoise and the hare; I'm usually the hare. I imagine the hare gets burnt out rather quickly. Being the tortoise is a much wiser path.
Message of the Day: Take Aesop's advice: Slow & steady wins the race.
...Or don't. It won't change my reality. Cheers!
Saturday, May 2, 2015
All Moved In... Sort of
Well, it's official. I moved out of my old apartment.
I loved the space, but I could care less for the landlord or the drama surrounding the space, and I felt this huge weight lift off of my shoulders when I walked through to take this final photo.
Just because I released a ton of emotional baggage doesn't mean that I didn't have lead attached to my physical body, though. Walking up and down stairs for two days straight with heavy boxes was a little too intense for my freshly healed Achilles. Apparently it hadn't healed as well as I thought, and it got quite angry with me.
I am SO blessed to have the friends and family that I have. They really pitched in and helped me move. By "helped," I mean I couldn't have done it without them. I didn't know it that morning, but I was on a steady decline throughout the day. I began carrying lighter and lighter objects until I got some jolting pain. When I started wincing and limping, my friends and family basically told me to sit down and take it easy while they unpacked the rest of my crap!
We filled a UHaul full of the contents of my apartment. How did I accumulate that much STUFF?!?
Now, my adventure will be unpacking all of those boxes. I feel so wonderful that I'm finally moved in, and I will share little tidbits of unpacking as it goes along, but I have loads of work to get done!
Message of the Day: Be a good friend to others; you never know when it may be you who needs the help of a friend.
...Or don't. It won't change my reality. Cheers!
I loved the space, but I could care less for the landlord or the drama surrounding the space, and I felt this huge weight lift off of my shoulders when I walked through to take this final photo.
Just because I released a ton of emotional baggage doesn't mean that I didn't have lead attached to my physical body, though. Walking up and down stairs for two days straight with heavy boxes was a little too intense for my freshly healed Achilles. Apparently it hadn't healed as well as I thought, and it got quite angry with me.
I am SO blessed to have the friends and family that I have. They really pitched in and helped me move. By "helped," I mean I couldn't have done it without them. I didn't know it that morning, but I was on a steady decline throughout the day. I began carrying lighter and lighter objects until I got some jolting pain. When I started wincing and limping, my friends and family basically told me to sit down and take it easy while they unpacked the rest of my crap!
We filled a UHaul full of the contents of my apartment. How did I accumulate that much STUFF?!?
Now, my adventure will be unpacking all of those boxes. I feel so wonderful that I'm finally moved in, and I will share little tidbits of unpacking as it goes along, but I have loads of work to get done!
Message of the Day: Be a good friend to others; you never know when it may be you who needs the help of a friend.
...Or don't. It won't change my reality. Cheers!
Monday, April 27, 2015
Sunday Confessional: Putting off my Packing...& my blog post
I have been in a moving funk. You all know what I'm talking about. I am of the firm belief that nobody should be inside when the sun is shining and they could be out enjoying it, especially after the long winter we've had. Yet I found myself indoors quite a bit these past few weeks. Leaving my apartment has me in one of those moods in which I'm sad to be leaving; not yet quite ready to go. Conversely, there are most definitely days I can't wait to leave! It was a good decision to move and one which ultimately will prove to be beneficial.
Moving is less about the external location of the space, in fact, I would say that it is all about the interior. I love the space I created. Yet, I have 1 day left before I clear everything out. The next 24 hours will loom over my head with anticipation before I have to uproot myself again. I'll get there, I'm sure, but I'd like one more day to enjoy it the way it is. It may not seem like much, but I'm happy with the space I created. I've been consciously & subconsciously waiting as long as possible to box it all up. But alas, it's time!
Moving forward.
Cheers!
Moving is less about the external location of the space, in fact, I would say that it is all about the interior. I love the space I created. Yet, I have 1 day left before I clear everything out. The next 24 hours will loom over my head with anticipation before I have to uproot myself again. I'll get there, I'm sure, but I'd like one more day to enjoy it the way it is. It may not seem like much, but I'm happy with the space I created. I've been consciously & subconsciously waiting as long as possible to box it all up. But alas, it's time!
Moving forward.
Cheers!
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Sunday Confessional: Mourning
This is probably my most intimate, private, real Sunday Confession yet, but I'm okay with sharing my experience because I want to talk about my Nonna. Her great grandchildren are still learning some Italian from those of us who outlived her, and they hear loads of stories about her. The following is one story, though, that is bittersweet. I have talked about most of the contents of this post with my family already. We all miss my grandmother, but I might have taken her passing the hardest.
I think I'm done, but I've come to the realization before that I'm just not done yet.
Every time I think I've let go, something sets me off again.
My Nonna died over a year ago. I'm not done mourning yet. I don't know if I'll ever be.
I watched a movie earlier this month in which a family was bidding farewell to a girl who was on her death bed and couldn't speak. I handled it well up until the very end when they said it was important to say goodbye, and to let her know that it was okay to die. Well, I lost it.
I moved out of my parents' house shortly after my Nonna died. I said that I moved out because I needed my own space, and so did they. They were encroaching on my space with all of the stuff they had to sort through from Nonna's and the renovation. If I am being honest, though, with myself and all of you, the real reason I had to get out of the house is because I couldn't stand to be around my mother every day so soon after losing Nonna. I feel bad saying so, but I had been harboring some anger towards her. Maybe anger is the wrong word, but I would look at her and see this strong woman whom I had seen at her weakest point, on the saddest day imaginable. The feeling associated with watching her wait for her mother, my Nonna, to die was stuck in the forefront of my mind.
When my Nonna was sick, it was my Aunt's job to keep her paperwork in order, track Nonna's ever-changing list of medications and ailments, and keep her fed. My mother helped when she could, but just couldn't handle seeing her mother ill so she never visited for very long. In general, my Aunt was there for a few minutes as well, maybe an hour, and would mostly talk to doctors, nurses, and administrators. My mother came by to help where and when she could, similarly mostly talking to doctors, nurses, and administrators. That's the way they coped, by keeping her better. That was very important. I was angry, though, that they never stayed and spent a lot of quality time with their mother. In retrospect, that was wrong of me to be so upset. There was a bit of a duality to the situation; I was also glad for the times when they left me there to just hang out with Nonna, and glad that they dealt with the doctors and nurses so that I didn't have to most of the time. Regardless of the good times I spent with my grandmother, I couldn't shake the feeling of anger toward my Aunt and my mother's way of interacting with my Nonna until a long while after she passed.
My anger probably stemmed from the fact that the rest of my family would talk about how ill Nonna was, and about dementia and stuff. Sometimes I acted as though I was in denial, but I knew she wouldn't be around forever, and I was generally okay with death. I was more concerned with life. So, I would read to my Nonna and pray in Italian. When I thought she wasn't listening to me any longer, I would trail off, but she would perk up and ask me why I had stopped. She comprehended more than I did sometimes, actually. Sure, she had forgetful moments, and we had to keep her in line about the day of the week, but she was present. Nonna never got to a point where she didn't know who the current president was or who we were. She just didn't remember that she had told me something earlier that day already or taken her medications and stuff. Maybe my family was trying to be realistic, and I saw that as pessimistic because I just try to look at everything in a positive way. That can be frustrating to some people, especially if they are trying to prepare for death.
Either way, my Nonna's last day on Earth was the worst day of my life, to date. I couldn't handle it. Mostly, I couldn't handle my mother crying and telling her mother that it was okay to let go. Incessantly. All day. Apparently the doctor had put the idea in her head that telling Nonna that it was okay to let go was a good thing, but I hated it.
I hope that my children don't tell me "it's okay" [to die]. I've known ever since I was a child that it would be okay to die. Death doesn't scare me. It would piss me off more than anything to have my children gather around when I can't communicate back to tell me that it would be okay if I kicked the bucket that day!
I didn't have the energy to do more than protest once or twice, so I sat there miserably saying nothing for most of the day. I was a wreck myself. I actually crawled into my Nonna's bed with her at one point, curling up next to her in the hospital bed, holding her nearly limp hand. Nonna had her gaze fixed on the wall/ceiling, and she needed help breathing because of the drugs they had her on to help ease her passing. It was painful to watch. My mother told me that Nonna saw her grandmother that morning, so it probably wouldn't be long before she joined her.
Nonna hung on longer than most of the family thought she would. I swear, she was a totally different person around me than with anyone else, too. One time, months after Nonna was in the ICU recovering from resuscitation, and probably 6 months to a year before she died, she was hospitalized for something or other that caused doctors much concern. Her internal body temperature became very cold and the family had all but decided that they were ready to let her die. At the time, I thought that they were cold and rude to speak so openly about my Nonna's condition like that. If I ever get sick, I hope nobody talks about putting me on hospice or whatever without including me in some conversation about it first. But, they did, and she knew it.
Nonna didn't want to be a vegetable. We had talked about it when she was well. I don't know if anyone else ever asked her, but we were close like that, Nonna and I. She didn't want to be artificially kept alive. She was a wise, spunky woman. But, she wasn't ready to go yet at that time, even if nobody else knew it yet.
When everyone was gathered around her room talking, she was still as a corpse, but once the last straggler left, she nearly jumped out of bed and began planning her escape. I remember her saying "Cait-a-lynn, they're-a-gonna kill me! Let's get outta here." If I wasn't there, she would've fallen flat on her face with those muscle engagement things strapped around her ankles. She was determined to escape.
On her last day, Nonna wasn't really there until everyone else was gone. You could tell by her fixed gaze, and just her overall energy of the room. She couldn't speak with the breathing tube in her mouth, but shortly before I left, she became aware, probably for the last time. She looked up at me and told me that she loved me [with her eyes]. She was a little manic and scared, but I just told her that it was okay. I couldn't tell her that it was okay to die like my mother and my Aunt had been saying all day, but she knew what I meant.
She lived a wonderful life, my Nonna. At the end, Nonna didn't leave behind much in this world but her children, grandchildren, and great grand children. She did a wonderful job raising each of us, though, and I'm sure she smiles at us every day. I miss her, but as the cycle of life continues, I will meet her again one day when it's time for me to go. Until then, I'm going to use my time on this earth to spread the Love and Laughter that she filled my heart with.
Ciao, bella!
I think I'm done, but I've come to the realization before that I'm just not done yet.
Every time I think I've let go, something sets me off again.
My Nonna died over a year ago. I'm not done mourning yet. I don't know if I'll ever be.
I watched a movie earlier this month in which a family was bidding farewell to a girl who was on her death bed and couldn't speak. I handled it well up until the very end when they said it was important to say goodbye, and to let her know that it was okay to die. Well, I lost it.
I moved out of my parents' house shortly after my Nonna died. I said that I moved out because I needed my own space, and so did they. They were encroaching on my space with all of the stuff they had to sort through from Nonna's and the renovation. If I am being honest, though, with myself and all of you, the real reason I had to get out of the house is because I couldn't stand to be around my mother every day so soon after losing Nonna. I feel bad saying so, but I had been harboring some anger towards her. Maybe anger is the wrong word, but I would look at her and see this strong woman whom I had seen at her weakest point, on the saddest day imaginable. The feeling associated with watching her wait for her mother, my Nonna, to die was stuck in the forefront of my mind.
When my Nonna was sick, it was my Aunt's job to keep her paperwork in order, track Nonna's ever-changing list of medications and ailments, and keep her fed. My mother helped when she could, but just couldn't handle seeing her mother ill so she never visited for very long. In general, my Aunt was there for a few minutes as well, maybe an hour, and would mostly talk to doctors, nurses, and administrators. My mother came by to help where and when she could, similarly mostly talking to doctors, nurses, and administrators. That's the way they coped, by keeping her better. That was very important. I was angry, though, that they never stayed and spent a lot of quality time with their mother. In retrospect, that was wrong of me to be so upset. There was a bit of a duality to the situation; I was also glad for the times when they left me there to just hang out with Nonna, and glad that they dealt with the doctors and nurses so that I didn't have to most of the time. Regardless of the good times I spent with my grandmother, I couldn't shake the feeling of anger toward my Aunt and my mother's way of interacting with my Nonna until a long while after she passed.
My anger probably stemmed from the fact that the rest of my family would talk about how ill Nonna was, and about dementia and stuff. Sometimes I acted as though I was in denial, but I knew she wouldn't be around forever, and I was generally okay with death. I was more concerned with life. So, I would read to my Nonna and pray in Italian. When I thought she wasn't listening to me any longer, I would trail off, but she would perk up and ask me why I had stopped. She comprehended more than I did sometimes, actually. Sure, she had forgetful moments, and we had to keep her in line about the day of the week, but she was present. Nonna never got to a point where she didn't know who the current president was or who we were. She just didn't remember that she had told me something earlier that day already or taken her medications and stuff. Maybe my family was trying to be realistic, and I saw that as pessimistic because I just try to look at everything in a positive way. That can be frustrating to some people, especially if they are trying to prepare for death.
Either way, my Nonna's last day on Earth was the worst day of my life, to date. I couldn't handle it. Mostly, I couldn't handle my mother crying and telling her mother that it was okay to let go. Incessantly. All day. Apparently the doctor had put the idea in her head that telling Nonna that it was okay to let go was a good thing, but I hated it.
I hope that my children don't tell me "it's okay" [to die]. I've known ever since I was a child that it would be okay to die. Death doesn't scare me. It would piss me off more than anything to have my children gather around when I can't communicate back to tell me that it would be okay if I kicked the bucket that day!
I didn't have the energy to do more than protest once or twice, so I sat there miserably saying nothing for most of the day. I was a wreck myself. I actually crawled into my Nonna's bed with her at one point, curling up next to her in the hospital bed, holding her nearly limp hand. Nonna had her gaze fixed on the wall/ceiling, and she needed help breathing because of the drugs they had her on to help ease her passing. It was painful to watch. My mother told me that Nonna saw her grandmother that morning, so it probably wouldn't be long before she joined her.
Nonna hung on longer than most of the family thought she would. I swear, she was a totally different person around me than with anyone else, too. One time, months after Nonna was in the ICU recovering from resuscitation, and probably 6 months to a year before she died, she was hospitalized for something or other that caused doctors much concern. Her internal body temperature became very cold and the family had all but decided that they were ready to let her die. At the time, I thought that they were cold and rude to speak so openly about my Nonna's condition like that. If I ever get sick, I hope nobody talks about putting me on hospice or whatever without including me in some conversation about it first. But, they did, and she knew it.
Nonna didn't want to be a vegetable. We had talked about it when she was well. I don't know if anyone else ever asked her, but we were close like that, Nonna and I. She didn't want to be artificially kept alive. She was a wise, spunky woman. But, she wasn't ready to go yet at that time, even if nobody else knew it yet.
When everyone was gathered around her room talking, she was still as a corpse, but once the last straggler left, she nearly jumped out of bed and began planning her escape. I remember her saying "Cait-a-lynn, they're-a-gonna kill me! Let's get outta here." If I wasn't there, she would've fallen flat on her face with those muscle engagement things strapped around her ankles. She was determined to escape.
On her last day, Nonna wasn't really there until everyone else was gone. You could tell by her fixed gaze, and just her overall energy of the room. She couldn't speak with the breathing tube in her mouth, but shortly before I left, she became aware, probably for the last time. She looked up at me and told me that she loved me [with her eyes]. She was a little manic and scared, but I just told her that it was okay. I couldn't tell her that it was okay to die like my mother and my Aunt had been saying all day, but she knew what I meant.
She lived a wonderful life, my Nonna. At the end, Nonna didn't leave behind much in this world but her children, grandchildren, and great grand children. She did a wonderful job raising each of us, though, and I'm sure she smiles at us every day. I miss her, but as the cycle of life continues, I will meet her again one day when it's time for me to go. Until then, I'm going to use my time on this earth to spread the Love and Laughter that she filled my heart with.
Ciao, bella!
Friday, April 17, 2015
Question #11
I started off a few months ago with an activity of getting to know [and love] myself better, and also have a little fun, by asking myself a few simple questions. To find out more about the backstory behind what brought me to this game of 20 Questions (which is actually 36 questions, based on the New York Times article To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This), click on one of these links. I am not going to post all of my answers (many of these are quite personal in nature), but many are just fun, thought-provolking questions. Feel free to leave your answers in the comments section!
In doing this activity, I got stuck at Question #11:
Take 4 minutes (or pages in my case) to explain your life story in as much detail as possible.
This is not an easy task to accomplish. I realized through four small pages what life events I considered noteworthy, and which did not make the cut. In four pages, it was humbling and slightly disturbing to see so plainly how I view my childhood, and what things I chose to include and exclude from my summary. I missed some pretty significant life events, and I wasted a few words telling a seemingly meaningless story about a small detail. I got to thinking how others might answer this question, and how our versions of our childhood story is so indicative of how we view our lives.
I was discussing many things with a dear friend on our Road Trip this week, including our childhood, relationships, places we have visited, language, and general interests. It is both amusing and quite telling how our personal views of our childhood can shape all of the other aspects of our life. Whether we struggled or had things easy, were rich or poor, traveled or were sedentary, played sports or an instrument of some sort, we all use our childhood either as an instructional tool for living our lives or as a reminder of why we need to do something different as adults. As adults, we all figure out which parts of our childhood we would like to retain and recreate, and which ones we would rather shed, forget about, or otherwise alter.
For example, I did not do any traveling until I was in my twenties. This is something I discovered that I cannot live without as an adult. It is so important for me to change up my scenery to allow for some distance of my mind and spirit from the attachments I have made. My friend, let's call her Elsy, is a bit older than I am, but she is figuring out which aspects of her life she would like to retain and which she would like to shed, just like I am. She is also quite fond of travel, and has done it much more often than I have, but that was part of her childhood she remembers fondly.
I find it intriguing that, as beings, we change our views about life and our habits, but our interests often remain similar in theme. Sure, we gain and lose interest in some things throughout our lives, but our passions and true personalities often remain the same. I'm glad to have recognized many of my passions early in life. I am constantly learning new things about myself, but I have always had a pretty firm grasp of who I am.
This brings me to a central topic of my week/month/year which was epitomized through a Joseph Campbell quote:
"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
Many of us get so swept up in life and in making plans for the next day/month/year that we sometimes don't see the things right in front of us which inspire our passions. A child who is inspired by music would more likely stop to watch a street musician, maybe dancing or singing along with them, while an adult would be more likely to pass by so as to keep to a tight schedule. This is obviously a highly simplified example of letting go of our plans to enjoy what life has laid in front of us, but it is one of my favorites because I still stop for the street musicians. I have met a few very cool, talented individuals that way.
Applications on a broader scale include things like having unplanned children and job opportunities. This reminds me also of another quote along the same lines as the first. I find them both extremely fitting for this week. The saying goes like this:
"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans."
From what I've read, Woody Allen came up with this line, but a similar theme can be found in a Yiddish Proverb, among other places. This theme of being open to life as it happens seems to be one of those "secrets" shared amongst a club of successful people who have been shouting their secret from the rooftops so that the rest of the world may share in their wealth. I don't know about you, but I'm excited for the direction my life is going in! I have been trying to keep some flexible yet ambitious goals in mind, and I can't wait to discover where they lead.
Message of the Day: Let go of any rigid plans you have for yourself. Life is messy; embrace your opportunities as they come.
...Or don't. It won't change my reality. Cheers!
In doing this activity, I got stuck at Question #11:
Take 4 minutes (or pages in my case) to explain your life story in as much detail as possible.
This is not an easy task to accomplish. I realized through four small pages what life events I considered noteworthy, and which did not make the cut. In four pages, it was humbling and slightly disturbing to see so plainly how I view my childhood, and what things I chose to include and exclude from my summary. I missed some pretty significant life events, and I wasted a few words telling a seemingly meaningless story about a small detail. I got to thinking how others might answer this question, and how our versions of our childhood story is so indicative of how we view our lives.
I was discussing many things with a dear friend on our Road Trip this week, including our childhood, relationships, places we have visited, language, and general interests. It is both amusing and quite telling how our personal views of our childhood can shape all of the other aspects of our life. Whether we struggled or had things easy, were rich or poor, traveled or were sedentary, played sports or an instrument of some sort, we all use our childhood either as an instructional tool for living our lives or as a reminder of why we need to do something different as adults. As adults, we all figure out which parts of our childhood we would like to retain and recreate, and which ones we would rather shed, forget about, or otherwise alter.
For example, I did not do any traveling until I was in my twenties. This is something I discovered that I cannot live without as an adult. It is so important for me to change up my scenery to allow for some distance of my mind and spirit from the attachments I have made. My friend, let's call her Elsy, is a bit older than I am, but she is figuring out which aspects of her life she would like to retain and which she would like to shed, just like I am. She is also quite fond of travel, and has done it much more often than I have, but that was part of her childhood she remembers fondly.
I find it intriguing that, as beings, we change our views about life and our habits, but our interests often remain similar in theme. Sure, we gain and lose interest in some things throughout our lives, but our passions and true personalities often remain the same. I'm glad to have recognized many of my passions early in life. I am constantly learning new things about myself, but I have always had a pretty firm grasp of who I am.
This brings me to a central topic of my week/month/year which was epitomized through a Joseph Campbell quote:
"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
Many of us get so swept up in life and in making plans for the next day/month/year that we sometimes don't see the things right in front of us which inspire our passions. A child who is inspired by music would more likely stop to watch a street musician, maybe dancing or singing along with them, while an adult would be more likely to pass by so as to keep to a tight schedule. This is obviously a highly simplified example of letting go of our plans to enjoy what life has laid in front of us, but it is one of my favorites because I still stop for the street musicians. I have met a few very cool, talented individuals that way.
Applications on a broader scale include things like having unplanned children and job opportunities. This reminds me also of another quote along the same lines as the first. I find them both extremely fitting for this week. The saying goes like this:
"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans."
From what I've read, Woody Allen came up with this line, but a similar theme can be found in a Yiddish Proverb, among other places. This theme of being open to life as it happens seems to be one of those "secrets" shared amongst a club of successful people who have been shouting their secret from the rooftops so that the rest of the world may share in their wealth. I don't know about you, but I'm excited for the direction my life is going in! I have been trying to keep some flexible yet ambitious goals in mind, and I can't wait to discover where they lead.
Message of the Day: Let go of any rigid plans you have for yourself. Life is messy; embrace your opportunities as they come.
...Or don't. It won't change my reality. Cheers!
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Online Dating
The internet. Can't live with it, can't live without it.
For many, we embrace the internet as something we live with, something we sleep with (how many people really turn off their phones before they go to sleep anymore?), and something we truly can't live without.
The internet is a great resource. However, socially, we might be much happier if we stopped living our lives online. I write a blog, who am I to talk, right? I'm not saying that we shouldn't use social media; the internet is a great tool, both for communication with friends and sharing information quickly with the masses. However, we should live our lives in the real world, and share those experiences online (ie. don't miss out on what is going on around us because we're in the virtual world).
For many, we embrace the internet as something we live with, something we sleep with (how many people really turn off their phones before they go to sleep anymore?), and something we truly can't live without.
The internet is a great resource. However, socially, we might be much happier if we stopped living our lives online. I write a blog, who am I to talk, right? I'm not saying that we shouldn't use social media; the internet is a great tool, both for communication with friends and sharing information quickly with the masses. However, we should live our lives in the real world, and share those experiences online (ie. don't miss out on what is going on around us because we're in the virtual world).
Living in the single world for a while, I have realized that most people are or have been on some sort of dating site. That is totally bizarre to me, since I get bent out of shape when friends even try to "set me up." So, I find it totally odd that some people find strangers online and somehow become an item. Someone's pictures can tell you a little bit about them, but you miss out on a giant piece of them when they can't look at you and you can't look back: their soul! You miss out on their body language (which is, arguably, 90% of all that we say), you miss out on their smells, and their overall presence.
Hint: 99% of the above applies to all relationships, not just our romantic ones.
The last 3 guys I've dated didn't have Facebook accounts. I thought this was just a coincidence; it doesn't really have much to do with who I look for or why, it just happened that way. I don't much care for "coincidences," though. Maybe I should recognize that I tend to choose to date men who live their lives in the real world as opposed to the virtual one. Conversely, men who are on their phones the entire evening tend to turn me off. Anyhow, I met all of these men through mutual friends or chance encounters. I've never had a Tinder/Match/[insert other dating app/site here] account.
You know that feeling you get when a relationship starts feeling "not quite right?" You begin to think that you're just not the same as you once were. Maybe your feelings have changed. Once upon a time, I found out that my last boyfriend was on Tinder. It was right after we had broken up, but it bothered me more than I let on at the time. Sometimes people assume that it's "harmless" or that just "checking [the website/app] out" is fine, but it's not. If you DON'T delete your Tinder/Match/Zoosk/[insert site/app here] when you've started dating someone (or create one while you're in a relationship), it's really not okay. It has become SO easy to search the internet for millions of other people to interact with, that we have so many other 'options' at our fingertips. So, the next time you go on an awesome date, take away the temptation. Delete your accounts. I dare you. You can always create them again later if the real world isn't cutting it for you.
If we take the initiative by taking away the extra temptation of shopping around for other potential dates, then we have to actually face our problems (or go about things the old fashioned way by buying a drink at the bar and spilling our feelings to a stranger - in person).
Either way (in the real world or the virtual one), we have 2 options when we have problems in our relationships. We can talk about it with our partner, or we can ignore that feeling. People go about each in different ways, but we have made it so easy in this day and age to ignore our problems and distract ourselves or mentally move on without talking about it until it's too late. If we choose distraction over communication, it usually means doom for the relationship. Avoiding one another often seems easier than working things out. Every social media outlet out there has made it so easy to justify that there will always be someone 'better' than whomever you're with, but just remember that the people we are on the internet are not the people we are in real life. On the internet (and even via text), we have filter after filter after filter. We can edit the words we say, we don't have to use body language or inflection which reveal that we are tired or scared or happy or sarcastic, we can post/share photos of ourselves after we've 'cleaned up' (ie. I never have to see a photo of what you currently look like if you don't want me to).
Hint: 99% of the above applies to all relationships, not just our romantic ones.
In my "social circle":
- Planning a time to meet/socialize puts you on my list of top favorite people.
- Calling me trumps texting, every time.
- If you Skype me, I'm tickled pink; it takes a bit of effort, but I can actually see you!
- If you Skype me, I'm tickled pink; it takes a bit of effort, but I can actually see you!
- Privately Snapchat/texting me trumps tagging me on Facebook.
- Posting something thoughtful on Facebook is a great way to express yourself, but please ask yourself if it's really meant for every stranger out there on the internet!
- Replying to a photo/caption of mine on Facebook means that you were either bored or you took the time to 'stalk me,' which is an acceptable amount of effort these days (and aligns with the reason I shared it in the first place). Thanks for noticing.
...and
- Knocking on my door to pop in and say hello will always make my day!
Readers, what would your model of preferred communication look like?
Message of the day: Social Media is great, but I'd much rather you call me and invite me to lunch than share a photo of your balogna sandwich with me!
...Or don't. (I don't like balogna, either!) Cheers!
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