Snow in the South

Hello Readers!

So, for the past few days, I have been in North Carolina on business.  I am at a hotel that has spotty internet at best, relatively low water pressure in my shower, and mediocre food.  This trip has been so much fun!  I got here early to see my aunt, which was really cool because I hardly ever get to see her, so it started off on a great note.  I have a HUGE bed compared to my twin mattress at home, and two chairs to hang out in.  Here is a photo:

...whoops!  Experiencing technical difficulties (probably because the internet kicks me off constantly at this hotel).  I'll update these photos when I get back to civilization.

We've been in meetings all day, and then we go out in the evenings with our coworkers.  My coworkers are hilarious people who have worked aboard commercial vessels, as teachers, as field interviewers, and a bunch of other tough professions.  They have the most hilarious stories to share!  We geek out about fish biology, had an intense conversation about invasive species.  It's funny because information sharing whilst intoxicated can be a hilarious experience.  Every one of us was getting very passionate about a different species of invaders, and a topic near and dear to our hearts.  Not to bore you, but just to give you a rough idea of what we were talking about, zebra mussels and carp invading the Great Lakes, road building and logging in the Amazon altering the biota miles away, locals dying on Mount Everest because they are financially coerced into assisting foreign travelers, and the list goes on in a similar fashion.

This morning, I woke up to this:

We knew last night that there might be snow on the ground when we woke up, but 6 inches or whatever we just got is a LOT of snow here in the South.  The locals are freaking out a bit, apocalypse style!  All of us Northerners joke around about the silly white dusting they got and were expecting more of, but the locals are scared to drive (rightfully so, if you watch the news), and the entire state may be shut down.  They barely have plows down here in North Carolina.  I have a flight back home tonight.  We might all be stuck here!  The good news?  Work will reimburse us for some of our time.  The bad news?  I have to work up North tomorrow, and my other job is not going to be pleased.  Let's hope that the planes aren't too delayed, and we can all get out of here.  We've been hearing horror stories about ice and snow.  Here I thought that I was going to North Carolina, a place where it would be warm and I would finally get a much needed break from the snow, and it followed me down here!  Oh well, at least I don't have to shovel (do they even have those down here?).

Hopefully I fly home tonight.  Cross your fingers/say a prayer!

...Or don't.  It *might* not change my reality.  Cheers!

Impact

Way back in 2014, I was having brunch with a man of the cloth.  Usually quite excitable, positive, and inspiring, he seemed quite the opposite of his usual self that day.  He admitted to me that he was absolutely drained of all his energy.   Even preachers get a little down on life sometimes.

When I asked him why he seemed so bummed, he confided that he was struggling with something quite human in nature.  You see, as a man of God, he is always giving of himself and trying to help other people.  That day, however, he questioned how much he actually helps because he doesn't often see the end results of his work.  As humans, it is natural to want to see causes and effects.  When someone comes to a therapist, a preacher, or even a friend because he or she is in a bad place, they may not express or even realize the effect that person had on them.  If someone helps you out, it never hurts to say "thank you."

Has someone helped you out recently?

My Mom has a few stories of 'random acts of kindness' in which people didn't know how big of an impact they've had on her life, and she shared a funny one that morning that seemed to cheer up our friend.

Back in the 90s, my family got stuck on the highway far from home on a hot, sunny afternoon.  I believe the alternator went, and my dad strained to push the gas petal to the floor just to coast over to the breakdown lane!  Two small kids in the car, we were stuck with at least a mile in either direction to safety from the crowded highway.  Not up on the times yet, we had no way to call for help.  This was the early 90s; cell phones had just become popular.  Long story short, a man pulled over on the side of the road in front of us to eat a mango.  Mom thought, "He must have a cell phone!"  After turning down the slice of mango he had offered her with his switchblade, Mom asked the man if he had a mobile phone.  He did.   Good thing, too.  It turns out that we were just in time to call for a tow truck and a rental car before they closed the shop for the day!  That man who pulled over on the side of the road for a mango saved the day, and he didn't really stick around after he served his purpose.

Those chance encounters with people that you may never see again still happen in this day and age.  The truth is that we impact others every day, in small ways and in big ones.  So, be a positive influence in someone's life today.  You never know whose day you may brighten, or whose life you may change!

Message of the day: Say "thank you" when you can, and aim to be a positive influence in this world.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Sunday Confessional: Hospitals

Last week, I began something called my Sunday Confessional.  It's a time when I strip away my positive outlook and share a real, vulnerable moment in which I struggled to smile.

I had a very serious moment last Sunday evening, I got very sick.  I'll spare you the gory details, but I threw up 6 or 7 times over the course of an hour or two.  Because I lost so much fluid at once, I became very dizzy and almost fainted.  I found out later that this is not uncommon.  But, in the moment when the world went fuzzy and my reflection was that of a zombie, I got scared.  So scared that I totally lost it!  I dropped to the floor, feet in the air, and called 911.  Something very wrong was happening with my body.  It was making funny noises.  I was feeling a million strange sensations at once.  I was worried because of the medication I was on, and to top it all off, I was about to pass out amidst a vomiting episode.  Alone in my apartment, this was not the best scenario to be in.

So, the EMTs arrived at my apartment to find me on the floor, a tad more conscious than I had been when I called, but still ghostly pale.  Embarrassed, I took a ride to the hospital just to be sure that nothing more serious was going on.

As a child, I took many rides in an ambulance, but there was always someone there with me.  My last ambulance ride was alone as well, but I was hyped up on adrenaline. This time, there wasn't anyone familiar with me.  My body was in pain.  Every fiber of my being was drained and exhausted.  I was thinking about the massive bill going to arrive soon for this expensive excursion.  I was trying to filter through my cloudy brain to find the relevant medical information like what drugs I was taking, allergies, and other basic medical history.  I was cursing myself for not wearing my medical alert bracelet (in case someone had found me unconscious).  Most of all, I was dreading telling this same story to the EMTs, then the RN, the MD, and since it was nearly midnight, the covering RN and MD.  All the while, my brain was fighting a panic attack, and I could just feel myself in a state of inescapable resistance to the world around me.

The EMTs asked me to get on the gurney, and instead of my usual, "Okay.  I know how this goes and I'll just go with the flow" attitude, I felt panicked.  Just asking me if he could buckle me in brought me to tears.  That's not to say that I was a miserable, blubbery mess the entire time.  Admittedly, my dark side came over me once or twice when my parents showed up and there were just too many people in the room asking me too many questions.  However, I perked up by the 2nd or 3rd IV bag of fluids, and the end of my hospital stay.  I found it hilarious, both in the moment and in retrospect, that amidst my tears and sullen attitude, I kept saying things like "I'm sorry.  I'm normally a happy, positive person."  I'm sure the EMTs and doctors are used to people not being their 'best selves,' but I was definitely a disaster.  Normally doesn't mean just out in the world on a normal day.  There was something totally wonky going on because under extreme circumstances of emergency, the presence of the EMTs usually calms me and I have a positive attitude no matter how crummy my body feels, joking around when appropriate.  I take pride in making the lives of the health professionals around me joyous.  Clearly, that didn't happen last Sunday.  I was rather a pain, actually.

Longing for a "reset" button, I didn't really escape the heightened energy feeling until yesterday.  As much rest as I was getting, as much amazing support I got from friends and family, I was only happy and recovered on the surface.  Thinking I was all better, I returned to work on Thursday.  No matter what I did, I couldn't shake this deep seeded feeling that I needed help to feel less anxious.  I confided in a coworker (whom I think I drove a little nutty by bouncing about the office, unable to calm down).  She suggested Holosync, which is something that I have done before (in principle), but never as an actual meditation, or when I really needed to.

Then, I went to see my PT.  He's an awesome guy, and a great friend.  I confided in him about not being able to meditate in my usual ways and thinking about this silly idea of taking a doctor's advice to use medications in order to change my brain chemistry.  He affirmed what I needed to hear, reminding me that I can change my brain chemistry myself.  By changing my environment, I can make changes that will outlast the effect of any anti anxiety medication.  In this case, I need to change up the way I meditate.  He shared something with me that has been enticing me with increasing frequency as of late.

Have you ever heard of something called binaural beats?

They are basically different frequencies, alternating both in pitch and in which ear you hear them, used to make changes to your brain.  You have to use headphones while listening.  It is a great tool to use for when you need a more passive meditation and can't seem to get to a calm state without assistance.  That is the basic the technique Holosync, and many other, similar meditation series use.

I tried this Brainwave Studio App today, and it seemed to be effective.  It helped me slow down my brain a bit, at least.  I think I'll alternate using this and my current meditation routine for a while.

Message of the Day:  Ask for help, listen to the Universe when it repeats itself, and change up your routine if it serves you.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Vectors of Disease

We are all vectors of disease in the winter.  I am officially convinced.  I recently got over a stomach bug.  My last two or three posts happened automatically because I was asleep.  Recovering.

I took a trip in an ambulance.  I don't know what came over me, but I got sick.  Lost my lunch about 6 or 7 times.  Apparently it's not abnormal to faint after losing a lot of fluid in a short amount of time due to loss of blood pressure, and that's what happened to me.  I was seconds from fainting (good thing I didn't actually happen while I was alone in my apartment).  I'll post more about this in my Sunday Confessional tomorrow, but I want to be positive about it first.

From this crazy adventure, I learned 3 things:

I have an awesome support system!  My family doesn't hate me even though I got them sick.  My parents drove over an hour to take me home from the hospital.  Also, I have some concerned neighbors who are good in a crisis, and friends who chatted with me while I was feeling bleh.

PMS is real.  I was in such a crummy mood that I was crying over nothing.  Like, "I'm going to have to buckle you into the stretcher."  True confession.  Sometimes it is hilarious

My stomach deserves only healthy food.  For the rest of my life!

Message of the Day:  We all get sick sometimes.  Take the time you need to recover.  Your body will thank you for it.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Secrets!

Have you ever gotten the feeling someone was about to tell you a secret?

Whether in person or via text, you can usually tell when someone is about to divulge a big secret.  They get abnormally uncomfortable or excited.  They act in a way that is out of sorts from their usual self.  Unless they are very good at hiding their feelings, it isn't difficult to tell when someone is about to tell you something that isn't public information.

Well, today I just got bombarded with a big one out of nowhere!

A friend texted me asking me how I was doing.  It was an out of the blue text, but that's 100% normal for her.  She is the whimsical type.  I responded that I am just trying to stay warm, and asked her how she was doing.

Do you know how she replied?

I couldn't make this up if I tried, so I will just quote her here...

"I'm okay, I don't work much for the next 2 months.  Doctor recommended that I stay home and rest.  Pregnant."

Ah!  Pregnant?  Crazy.  Via text message!  I see her all the time, too.  I don't know how long she has known.  I have a feeling she has known for a while now.  I don't know who knows.  But she is pregnant, and very excited about it.

I can honestly say that I don't think anyone has directly told me that they are pregnant before.  She is the first of my girlfriends (or guy friends) to confide that in me.  Usually I find out these things through the grape vine.  It's exciting.  I'm excited.  She is excited.  She will be a great Mom.  I hope you're smiling, because I am!

Message of the Day:  Share your happiness with others.  You will brighten their day, too.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Talking Photography

Pretty much everyone I know enjoys a good picture, although we all define what that is differently.  I have a friend who only uses mostly old cameras.  He still sends his film out to be developed.  There is just something about a tangible photo, developed in a lab; it has almost become romantic or nostalgic.  His hardcore film views have actually rubbed off on my vocabulary.  I now use the terminology "making a photo" rather than "taking a photo," after a long (totally fun) debate about it.  Anyhow, a while ago, we were talking about how anyone can "make a photo" now, without having ever owned a camera.

As such, a growing number of people are into photography.  The world of photography is changing rapidly in the 21st century, with the dawn of the digital "point-and-shoot" camera and now cell phone cameras capable of making more than decent photographs.  Anyone with a cell phone can now make a photograph, and play around with different settings (granted, artificially created settings that don't involve knowing much about lenses, lighting, etc., but they can figure out the basics).

I own a digital camera, which I still use on occasion, but it is way easier to use my cell phone to make a photograph in my daily life.  I have less to carry around, and, frankly, the camera my Samsung Galaxy S5 is equipped with is almost as good as my point-and-shoot.  When there is nothing to do at my job (basically, while I am waiting for people to interview), I play with my photography settings on the camera.  There are action features, and some focus settings I really like that are pretty novel for a cell phone camera.

These are a few of my favorite shots that came out of playing with the focus settings:

Simply adjusting my overall focus OR my object of focus, I was able to take many different shots.  With these two photographs of petals, I created the illusion of blurred objects in the foreground by focusing further out, which is relatively simple with a point-and-shoot, but I also was able to enhance the petal in the foreground in the first shot, which is more difficult to accomplish with a normal cell phone camera.

The final "current top favorite" photograph of selective focus is this one I shot at the local bar:

I was talking photography with a stranger I had just met.  This guy just walked up to me as I was reading (yes, I was reading at the bar) and he struck up a conversation with me (yes, guys it really is attractive to interrupt someone's alone time as long as it is done in a tactful way).  He was confident and had a nice smile, so I figured that I would put my book down for a conversation (quite the feat, as it was a very good read).  I'm glad I did, though, because not only was he quite interesting to talk to, this awesome photo above came out of it (and later a painting).  Somehow, he got to talking to me about photography, and I began showing him the cool features on my cell phone that I had discovered just weeks prior.

I bring up the random guy I met at the bar because, since then, we've crossed paths there a few times, and somehow great things always come of it.  I don't particularly care for the things kids do with their photos (the hot colored scribbled and phrases that cover most of the decent shot they took, etc.), however I was always curious about the tools they use to make such "art."  Well, I discovered this app a few weeks ago that allows me to alter photos after I have taken them.  Usually, I don't like doing that because, call me old-school, but I think it takes something away from the art involved in photography.  After playing with a simple photo I made of some candles in my bathroom (at the bar with my now photography friend), this really awesome version we churned out got me to re-think the possibilities of editing.

We turned this photo:

Into this image:

I'm still not sure whether or not I can call the second image here a "photograph," but I like it!

Message of the Day:  Open yourself up to explore new things; you might find them beautiful. Also, collaboration with friends often yields the best results!

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers! 

Sunday Confessional

I'm starting something called my "Sunday Confessional" for two reasons.  First, I would like to remind myself that it's okay to get down sometimes, as long as I pull myself out of it within a reasonable amount of time.  Second, I'd like to be more real with you, my readers, by expressing my "down moments" as well as my generally positive perspective.  Feel free to be vulnerable here with me, and share things that you are struggling with as well.

Okay, so here it is:

My Sunday Confessional:

This week, I nearly cried in the shower because of the seemingly paradoxical "Ahhh... so much less hair," and "GAH, I have NO HAIR!!!"  The first is a positive, light, wonderful feeling.  The second is SCARY!  I reached back and there was virtually, comparatively, NOTHING there.  Everyone (okay, like 3 people) have told me how "brave" I am for cutting off so much hair, but I honestly hadn't thought about it from a vanity standpoint until they pointed out how brave it was.  Now, I'm playing with products and trying to get my hair to do what I'd like it to, and it isn't really cooperating as easily as I had hoped.  Handling this whole "new hair, new me" thing, right after I washed it, pretty much looked like this:

I stared in the mirror with a line of hair product in front of me.  I had rarely used hair product when my hair was long, but something tells me it will be essential in the coming months!  Gazing at myself in the mirror led me to thinking back on the words I uttered so casually just days ago, "it'll always grow back."  Those words seemed to have a slower than snail-like connotation when considered in retrospect.

Dealing with my demons:

I called a friend who I knew would brighten my mood.  We had plans to hang out, but he confessed that he wasn't up for it (bummer, because that means now I really won't leave the apartment today).  We chatted on the phone for a while, and then my guitar started calling my name. 

I got all of my "scary" feelings out in the form of sweet frustration, learning to play the guitar.  I love my acoustic; she is such a bright sounding guitar (specifically strung that way), and she is always there for me when the world gets me down.

Message of the Day:  We all get down sometimes, just don't let your demons keep you down for long.

Either way, it won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Ahhh, Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is a romantic holiday.  People give gifts of chocolate and flowers.  People kiss in public.  Love is in the air!  Some people have mixed feelings about Valentine's Day, though.

Me?  The Queen of Positivity?  You want to know MY feelings about the "Spread Love" holiday?

Let's just say I'm not a fan of commercializing Love.


Not what you were expecting?  Allow me to share my story with you, and you shall understand.  In retrospect, I find the humor in these moments, and I am feeling vulnerable enough to share them with you.

I have a history of breaking up with people on Valentine's Day.

As it turns out, I broke up with a man who was going to propose to me on Valentine's Day once.  I found out six months later that he had custom designed a ring (from the sounds of it, the most beautiful, wonderful, thoughtful, magical ring I could have ever imagined, tailored specifically to my personality and desires).  They say that you "just know" if it's right or not.  We both got to that revelation at the same time, I guess, but took opposite paths.  Whoops!

The next year, I broke up with my then boyfriend just after the Superbowl.  We both felt abnormally crummy about the emotionless breakup (he was basically my best friend and the breakup itself just seemed so... blah), so we tried to take it back.  That obviously didn't work.  We parted as friends, deciding that it really was best after all, both single just in time for Valentine's Day.

Two years later, I was dating a fellow who had just moved from 400 miles away to about 80 miles away (it was a great long-distance relationship), and I drove up to see him two weekends in a row.  We really weren't getting along during our friends' Superbowl party, and worse so when we were alone, to the point where it became apparent that we weren't the right fit for one another.  So, unable to shake my belief that romantic relationships should both begin and end in person, I made a special trip (Valentine's Day weekend) solely to break up with him.

Oh, this story isn't over yet, though.  It gets better!

The breakup itself lasted only about 3-5 minutes, 3-5 minutes after I walked in the door!  He was trying to rush me to dinner; I was trying to make sure that we broke up before we went anywhere and dragged things out.  We decided to go out for dinner anyway because we were both starving and it just made sense.  Who doesn't go out to dinner after a breakup?  We had a great time at the bar watching hockey over beer & wings, laughing at our friends' reactions to our breakup (we were just cool like that).

When we made the decision to grab dinner, we both knew that it would probably be too late and snowy for me to drive home, but that was okay.  Then, I got snowed in.  For two days.  Yup, two days of shoveling ours and the neighbor's cars out, playing computer games, and sharing meals with my oh-so-very-recently EX-boyfriend!  We ended up braving the storm around dinner time to visit our friends down the street so that we could avoid some very awkward evening hours home alone in a rather small apartment.  Our friends didn't even realized that we had broken up a day prior until well into the evening, talk about awkward moments!

Once the state-wide driving ban was lifted the next morning, I braved the unplowed highway.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Unplowed highway.  Apparently the driving ban banned cleanup crews as well because there was fresh powder, akin to what you might encounter on a ski slope, on the only road to take from my ex's apartment to my job.  It was either drive to work or go back to my ex's.  I don't think we could have handled another day of the, albeit peaceful, awkward vibe, and I have an odd sense of obligation about going to work.  Against my better judgment, I drove 80 miles alongside, plows, front-loaders (which were hired to clear the sheer volume of snow off the road), and a few idiots who thought that passing me in an unplowed, uneven lane with a one ton vehicle going 40+ mph was a good idea.  Luckily there weren't many of those, since they would have had considerably more maneuverability with snowmobiles.  As if my weekend wasn't obscure enough, I gathered too much speed on a long stretch downhill, lost any and all breaking ability, fishtailed and spun out traveling less than 25 mph into the snowbank atop the passing lane!  Luckily, I carry a shovel in my trunk.  You may laugh, but it has come in handy on more than one occasion!  I was able to get myself out of that predicament in under 5 minutes, once the 3 or 4 passing cars realized that I had everything under control and just needed space for a K-turn.  Complete panic had turned to a calm sense of accomplishment and determination!

After all that said, I feel the need to express that I don't believe that the past is an indicator of the future.  It is a series of lessons to learn from, but I can't help but feel slightly at-odds with this romantic holiday.  Thus, on the last of these crazy Valentine's Days, a tradition of getting together for a singles' date night with my best friend began.

We usually go out for dinner on a friend-date (if the weather holds up)!  I think those are the best kind.  No romantic pressure.  For a new romantic relationship, Valentine's Day often puts too much pressure.  For an established one, maybe it creates a good excuse to do something wonderful for someone else or maybe it causes added stress.  I'm not a fan of stress.  Or pressure, unless it is the exciting anticipation kind.  This Valentine's Day, my best friend happens to be in another country, and my next-best friends are either men who I wouldn't like to get the wrong idea by asking to hang out on Valentine's Day and/or romantic types with dates.  So, I have plans with my Aunt.

I've actually had these plans on my calendar for the past 2 months.  Valentine's Day is sad day for her, so she needs a date more than any of my friends or potential lovers do.  I never did get asked, but I made it known to any potential suitors that I was already busy!  Having prior plans works out perfectly because I'm simply not a fan of going on a date just to have a "Valentine," anyway.  The precedent is all wrong.  So, my Valentine's Day plans are to spend the day with my Aunt.  No pressure required!

If you knew her, you would laugh at the irony behind this statement.  I was required to call her on Thursday with a proposed itinerary!  In this case, that's a good thing; if you're going out, planning ahead is absolutely necessary on this crazy day of Love!

Tears.  Laughter.  Good food.  Great friends.  Family.  Funny stories.

That's my idea of the perfect Valentine's Day.

Message of the Day:  Laugh.  Laugh at my crazy Valentines and your own.  You won't always have a date.  It doesn't have to be the most romantic day of your life.  Just show some Love to those you care about, and enjoy the day!

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Rocking Yourself

Do you ever rock yourself?

I just found myself swaying back and forth, as if I was soothing a baby without the accompanying arm posture.  I realize that I have a bunch of unique habits and quirks, but I think there is something universal about this one.  As babies, we are often rocked and cradled.  As adults, many of us dance to sooth ourselves or let go of some excess energy.  Maybe we are actually creating energy, enlivening ourselves, but in a relatively calm way through the action of swaying.

As part of my "day off" morning ritual (work days are a completely different breed), I dance.  I sway. I jump.  I giggle.  I write.  I bounce.  I leave half-eaten breakfast somewhere as I attempt to get my stretch on.  On calm, peaceful mornings, I put on a pot of tea and gaze out the window.  I rock myself whilst sipping in the contents of my warm cup.

Sometimes I fold my arms across my chest and hug myself.  Sometimes my arms are dancing to a rhythm of their own.  Still other times, they are delicately poised with an invisible baton, ready to coax the melodic sounds in my head into existence through willpower alone.

On this still morning, my body moved with conscious awareness.  My body was moved out of emotion and passion; my brain had little to do with controlling its movement.  My muscles didn't need to be told what to do.  What I mean by "conscious awareness" is merely observing.  Rather than interrupt their graceful strides and stretches, I watched myself, in a way.  This awareness brought about a nostalgic thought.  My body remembers something my mind does not.

It remembers this ancient dance.  It remembers my mother's soothing touch.  Sometimes, we feel something inexplicable when we hold a baby.  Something timeless.  If we observe our own reactions to children, we often realize that we rock back and forth.  It is truly an ancient dance.  I often notice when I behave differently around babies, but I also do it on occasion by myself.

When you long for the touch of a lover, and create a space full of similar loving energy surrounding you, notice how you behave differently.  When you reminisce about the early days of your child's life, notice how your heart beats differently.  When you meet yourself where you are in still silence, and feel the urge to sway, thank your parents for sharing an ancient secret with you.  Thank them for rocking you as a child, because it enabled you to soothe yourself as an adult.  Even when you are all alone, you may smile at yourself or have the urge to dance or move differently.  This morning, I danced in the dim light of the winter sun, and it warmed my heart.

Message of the Day:  Rock yourself.  Sway with your lover.  Pass on this timeless secret of serenity to your children.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Question #13: If I Had a Crystal Ball...

Some of the questions in the series of posts under the headline 20 Questions (which is actually 36 questions, based on the New York Times article To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This), are time-old questions most people have been asked at least once in their life.  For those of you who don't know, I'm doing this "20 Questions" activity with myself just for the fun of it, to get to know myself a little better.  Today's question was the first of "Set II" (out of III).

Question # 13: If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your future, or anything else, what would you want to know?

Before you read my answer, think about the question for a second (or don't, but I think it would be fun).  How would you answer?  What would you want to know if you looked into a crystal ball?  Is there an unanswered question in your life that you just can't seem to answer?  What are you curious about?

Are you ready to hear my answer?

I don't want to know.

Unless the crystal ball could tell me the lottery numbers I choose on a specific date to win the jackpot, I don't want to know a single thing about my future, my past, or my current situation that I don't already know.  Here is why: curiosity.  Assuming this crystal ball is limited to my personal life and my personal capacity to comprehend what it tells me, and I can't solve the energy crisis or cure cancer by gazing into it, I don't want to have extra knowledge about my life unless it is in the form of a means to get "there."  I would rather maintain my innocent, curious mind.  If I already "know" what is going to happen, who says that it will still happen?  Or that I will take the same path to get there (presumably marvelously complex, maybe full of bumps that strengthen me as a person)?  I might eventually feel as though I took the easy road, and thereby alter my own personality and ownership of my accomplishments.

Many people would want to know how they die, or when.  One of my favorite songs is actually a song by Thriving Ivory called "Angels on the Moon," and the chorus begins with the lyrics "Don't tell me if I'm dying."  Here, take a listen:

Basically, you should live in the moment regardless of what life holds outside of the here and now.  Don't dwell on who walks in and out of your life, or when your own life will end.  If it is inevitable, why create stress trying to live forever if all you're doing is trying to survive?  My time is much more useful actually lived.  Plus, if you believe that the future is finite, which I will suppose we do for the purpose of this scenario, the knowledge of how I die allows me to recognize when it is happening.  However, if I'm focused on my own survival in the moment of my supposed death, I might change that situation.  The curiosity about "how it happens" is gone, which can have a whole host of emotional effects on a person, ranging from suicidal to invincible (neither of which is good in my book).  You may not accept the way your death "will happen," so you make sure that it happens prior to your supposed time to take back control.  Conversely, it can turn a cautious person into a risk taker if they know that their time won't expire for a very long time, giving them drive to accomplish their goals, or making them reckless.  Every person is different and there is no way to predict how someone (probably even yourself) would act with that kind of knowledge.

Furthermore, I have also now just created a paradox in which I may not die that way because I have seen it and therefore have insight I wouldn't otherwise have.  Maybe I die saving someone else's life.  Would I have the courage to be brave despite the knowledge that doing so would mean my own demise, or would I hesitate just long enough to save my own life, maybe causing another and "changing things?"  I believe that the future is more of a web of infinite possibilities and just because I am more likely to choose the path of putting my life on the line for another means I probably die doing ____, doesn't mean that it will happen if I factor in my own death.

If you knew who you will marry, where you retire, when your child is born, how well you do in your career, etc. before the timing is right, would it really matter?  Would it change how you do things now in a good way?  Would it ruin the journey?

The answer is always complex and will never capture all the variables.  You could never account for all the accidents or chances in life, and you might drive yourself mad trying to figure it out.  Your journey is what you make of it, and the reality is that all that currently exists in life is this moment.  Plans change, situations are born and they expire.  We make the best personal choices we can in every moment.  As long as we know ourselves enough to guide our lives by the direction of our own moral compass, life will turn out all right.

Message of the Day:  Don't play the "what if" game with the big things in life.  It will only give you a headache.

...Or do.  It won't change my reality (or yours).  Cheers!

Chinese Fire Drill

There is a saying that "it's the little things in life that make you happy."  A few days ago, I had a day particularly full of wonderful little things.  I'll share my favorite 3:

1. Waking up to sunlight.  Refer to Controlling the Sun.  Seriously, nothing beats it!

2. Chinese Fire Drill!  (I don't know how politically correct this is... I have just learned this terminology through friends & have no idea where it comes from)

3. Sugar :)

I hadn't actually witnessed a 'Chinese Fire Drill' before a few days ago.  It was HILARIOUS!  Maybe you had to be there, but I'll try my best to set the tone...

My coworker (Let's call her D) was driving the company car with me in the passenger's seat.  We had just begun our journey when we came to a stop behind two other cars at a red light.  Seconds after we stopped, we saw the doors on the car in front of us open simultaneously.  The driver and the passenger each turned about for a second.  D and I looked at each other instantaneously and gasped, "No..." in disbelief.  The driver and passenger both got out of the car in complete synchrony, leaving their doors open, strolled around the back of the car, and got back in via the opposite door.  D and I looked at each other once more, shouted, "Chinese fire drill!" and laughed.  That made my day.

After a less eventful excursion back to work, I entered the office and found this:

...and "Happy people just don't shoot their husbands!" (Name that movie.  It makes me laugh every time.)

Well, it's settled.  Can't argue with nerd logic!

Message of the day: When all else fails, eat more sugar.

...Or... don't.  Really.  If you sustain health problems from consuming too much sugar, please don't say I condoned it.  Cheers!

Question #12: Superman!

If you recall, a few days ago I began writing series of posts under the headline 20 Questions (which is actually 36 questions, based on the New York Times article To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This).  Today's question was the last of "Set I," the basic ice-breaker/getting to know you questions.  It is a classic "What if?" just for the fun of it.  I figured that I would pose it here.

Question #12:  If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

My answer was going to be something relatively simple and yet pretty much a super-power, like "the ability to manipulate the space-time continuum," but as soon as my pen hit the paper, this started:

This is such a tough one!  There are so many possible and impossible things that I would love to do!  I would love to be able to:

- meditate on cue
- manipulate my position in the space-time continuum
- be completely well rested, body and mind, after only 1 hour of sleep per day
- not have to eat in order to survive (ie. my body works like a plant & makes whatever it needs)
...Oh & with this would come a super metabolism so that I would literally never feel cold
*** super healing - fixed broken bones, tight muscles, never get sick for long, eradicate auto-immune issues, etc.***
- the ability to swim in the ocean like an orca/undergo whatever metamorphosis I wish
- fly
- play guitar like a pro (without 30 years of practice)

I think I picked my top one; as much as the rest of these would totally rock, I would go with super healing powers.  I would want to be able to heal my own ailments, as well as the ailments of others.
Eeek!  I think I might need to change professions with an answer like that!

I would love to know what your quality or ability you would love to wake up with tomorrow!  Please share in the comments section below if you come up with something.

Message of the Day:  Spend some time every day getting to know yourself.  By identifying your deepest desires, you set them on the course to becoming a reality.

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Haircut!

I’ve heard people speak about a haricut with everything from disdain to elation.  Many use the words “chore,” or even “dread” to describe shelling out money to have someone shave or chop off some of their hair that just won’t stop growing back.

If you couldn’t already guess, I’m in the category of those who view a haircut as a special day.  It’s an opportunity to change my look or just make my hair less apt to get tangled.  Usually, I walk in for a haircut and walk out just hoping for something just that: less tangle-y, a little more layered, and in general more manageable.

Yesterday, I had a different mission: a whole new identity!

For most people, I don’t suggest that spending a ton of money is your key to happiness (actually, it often can be the opposite).  In the case of my hair, however, well, let’s just say I have more hair on my head than 99.9% of the rest of the world does (and every hair salon I have ever been to comments on this, ad nauseum).  If I want a really nice cut, I had better go to someone who is well trained.

Yesterday morning, I showered, washed & combed my hair thoroughly, as per usual prior to a haircut.  Those of you who have a lot of curly hair know exactly what I’m talking about.  Those of you with straight hair, I’m sorry that sometimes you’re jealous of us curly-haired folks with infinite style options, just as we are jealous of you for the “I can just brush in 2 strokes and go” thing I will never comprehend, but trust me when I tell you that the time we put into our hair is 100% necessary!  Yes, it is vital to tame your hair BEFORE going to the salon.

Once my hour-long pre-haircut ritual was over, I took the last photo of myself with long hair that I will have for a long time.  I’ve spent my life trimming off a few inches at a time, allowing my slow-growing hair to do its wild, crazy thing, and yesterday was the last day of that wild, crazy mane:

I took 2 versions of this shot; one “wild & crazy” as I can get my hair, and another more “normal” look:

Now, when I go to the salon, it always turns into a spectacle.  I have a TON of hair.  When you look at it, you say, “Wow, that girl has a huge mane,” but when you hold it, you realize how big and heavy it actually is.  Every new stylist I visit tells their coworkers to touch my hair.  Every one.  Whoever is sweeping the floor up from all the hair has to make at least 2 or 3 passes, and never fails to comment on the sheer volume of hair on the floor, asking if __insert name here__ can have some (I have plenty to lend out for a lifetime).  Also, even though I schedule an appointment and suggest that the salon gives me a few extra minutes, another client shows up before I’m done.  Every time.  If I need to get my hair styled, especially straightened, usually 2 or 3 other stylists who were on break come over to assist.  Admittedly, I don’t cut my hair as often as I should, and after high school I didn’t visit the same salon more than twice because I was trying to find the right stylist, so maybe they would get used to me eventually if I came in often enough.

Yesterday's experience was on par with my usual experience, except for one thing: me!  I was nervous, excited, doubtful, about to chicken out and yet so determined I could've led soldiers into battle!  I walked into the salon and kept looking in the mirror, sliding my fingers up and down the imaginary ruler, debating “how short is too short?”  I was ranging from 5-9 inches.  That’s a wide range!  I had clearly never done anything like this before!  But, I trust my stylist (such a beautiful relationship to have)!  I explained that my hair was just too heavy and causing me issues.  It’s time for a change!

Stylist:   “Are you sure?”

Me:   “Yes, I’m sure.”

Stylist:   “Shoulder length?  Like… 7 inches?”

Me:   “Yup.  Shoulder length, and as light as you can possibly make it!”

2 minutes later…

Person sweeping up the massive amount of hair already accumulating on the floor

(addressing Stylist):  “Wow, you’re brave!”

Stylist (referring to me):  “She’s the brave one!  I have NO idea how this is going to turn out; it could just spring up like a poof!”

Me:  [slightly nervous] “Wait, how will I get it to be tame at all?!?  I’m in completely uncharted waters!”

Stylist:  “Gel.  Lots and lots of gel!”

Person sweeping (addressing me):  [Laughing] “Wait, did YOU have to convince HER to take that much off?”

Me:  [Also laughing] “Yup!”

She called me brave and took her own before (and later after) pictures for the salon.

[stylist intently finishing up the initial cutting]

Me:  “How do you think we should shape it?  Should I swoop it like this, or maybe do this…?”

Stylist:  “I’m still just cutting all this hair off; I haven’t even thought that far ahead yet.”

Me:  “Okay.  I just got excited!  Take off as much as you possibly can!”

An hour of cutting Ouidad style (amazing for curly hair), and using some thinning shears to make my hair as light as humanly possible,  I had cute, fun, SHORT hair!  After taming it (adding some leave-in conditioner, climate control, diffusing, leaving me under the dryer, more diffusing, and a few quirts of pomade – I was taking notes) my hair was done!

Me:   “Ahhhhh!”

Stylist:  “Do you like it?  Does it feel lighter?”

Me:  “It’s SO LIGHT!  I feel like there is nothing there!  There clearly is but it feels like… NOTHING!”

Stylist:  [Laughter] “I think this is going on our Facebook page as The Transformation of 2015!”

Me:   “Less sexy, more fun!”

After the mini photo shoot, my stylist and I parted ways as she tended to her other client, both of us smiling and cheerful!

Here are my personal “after” shots:

…this is my “normal” shot (but I was still waaaay too excited to look anything close to “normal”).

…& the following is as “wild and crazy” as I could get my new hair!

It truly feels like there is nothing left!  This is pretty much how most people live, I guess, but I feel 10 pounds lighter!  I couldn’t (and still can’t, apparently) stop telling all of my friends how amazingly light and bouncy and DIFFERENT I feel now!

My hair is a huge part of my identity.  Not only because it is huge, but because it is a major part of how I have defined myself, and how others have defined me, since I was a child.  Those childhood images of how you view yourself tend to stick with you, and I just changed them!  To top that off, I’ve been contemplating a whole makeover.  I actually stopped by my optometrist’s office on my way home to try on a new pair of glasses.  Look out world, it's a whole new me!

Apologies if I sound narcissistic in any way (and if my bounciness is too much for you to handle at the moment).  I’m truly not a narcissist, but I do love myself - we all should - and yesterday I had the biggest “me day” that I’ve possibly ever had.  I am pretty certain that I have ADD, to what extent I don't really know or care to know, but it comes out every now and again.  Every time my hair grazes my shoulders (which is pretty much any time I move my head), I get distracted by this brand new feeling!  Do you ever get distracted by your earrings?  Or your scarf?  It's akin to that.  I love it, but I’m still getting used to it!  If you know me in real life, please bear with me as I go through this transition.  And LAUGH.  Laugh at me, and laugh with me!

Message of the Day:  Looking for a new identity or a new look?  Change your hairstyle!

…Or don’t.  It won’t change my reality.  Cheers!

Pillows!

Three words:

Brand.  New.  Pillows!

I am such a "Princess and the Pea" kind of sleeper, and lately I've been feeling especially uncomfortable.  We spend (or we should be spending) about 1/3 of our lives in our beds, so having the proper mattress and pillows to sleep with is super important.  In fact, getting a great night's sleep or a crummy one can drastically alter our mood.

That said, I have a confession to make:

Until yesterday, I had never actually purchased a pillow!

That's right.  Never!  Don't get grossed out - it's not that I have the same one I had since I was a child - I just never actually did the shopping part myself.  My aunt got me this awesome tempur pedic contour pillow that I used for the longest time (through college), and I honestly have no idea how frequently my mom bought new pillows, but I always just used whatever was in the house.  I brought my favorite one with me when I moved out.  It is no longer my favorite pillow.  It got lumpy.  I loathe lumpy!  Lumpy pillows need to be punched and altered in the middle of the night, which is great if you need a punching bag, but not so great if you need quality sleep.

So, for the first time in my adult life, I went to the store and bought some pillows.  Since I had no idea what I was looking for, I just got a variety of firm pillows (I know that I don't like squishy or lumpy).  I bought three pillows, Goldilocks style!  A week with each ought to give me a pretty good idea of which one will become my new favorite pillow.  I can't believe I haven't done this sooner!  My very own pillow experiment; I'm excited!

Message of the Day:  Buy new pillows!
I did some research, and they suggest purchasing new ones every 6 months to a year...

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!

Question #4: The Perfect Day

Yesterday, I wrote a post called 20 Questions (which is actually 36 questions, based on the New York Times article To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This).  I didn't actually provide any of the answers to those questions I asked myself, though.  So, as promised, here is a peek at my game of 20 questions with myself:

Question #4: What would constitute a perfect day for you?

My Perfect Day:

- Wake up early to sunlight (no alarm)

- Meditate

- Do yoga/stretching

- Paint

- Cook & eat

- Hike to the top of a mountain/cliffside/wood

- Have good food with good people

- Take a boat ride at sunset

- Make/listen to good music with good people (on a beach/on the water somewhere)

- End the day swapping massages/ taking care of my body

- Fall asleep in someone's arms

Some people over-simplify things, some over-complicate them.  I over-think things.  That doesn't always mean over-complicating them, but I actually came up with two responses to My Perfect Day.

In reality, there are many versions of my perfect day.  They include:

- Waking up to the sunlight

- Yoga & meditation

- Good tea on a still, sunny, warm morning

- Painting (in natural sunlight)

- Water (swimming, scuba diving, boating, and/or gazing at a lake/river/ocean)

- Active/Sporty something (hiking, swimming, ice skating, snow boarding, yoga, frisbee, baseball, volleyball, etc.)

- Warmth (campfire, fireplace & hot cocoa/tea in autumn/winter, sunny beach/mountain somewhere in spring/summer)

- Good people (the funny, kind-hearted, loving, no drama type!)

- Trees (hiking, walking outdoors, hanging in a treehouse, climbing trees, etc.)

- Music - give me an acoustic guitar or play some Reggae or Funk or Techno and a group of dancing people & don't judge me for swaying however I please, and my day will be complete!

- Good food - healthy, feel-good, deliciousness

- Massage
- Tactile connection with another person - if I went the day without a hug, it would be incomplete

- Person who loves me holding me as we fall asleep

The night after I wrote this, I made my perfect day come true (minus the partner to sleep next to bit, but I'm 100% okay with that)!  I firmly believe that telling the Universe what you enjoy/what you want is the first step in making it become a reality, but more about that another day.

This is such a beautiful question, and I'm sure all of you have an answer.  What would constitute a perfect day for you?  I'd love to hear your responses in the comments section below.

Message of the Day: Spend some time getting to know yourself every day; you might be able to make your perfect day a reality!

...Or don't.  It won't change my reality.  Cheers!